#they look funny. I don’t know what it is but they don’t look right mmmm

[illumiiiz]

DROP THE NEEDLE WHEN THE TAPEDECK BLOWS

day 7 of drawing something every day of 2023….. I can’t believe I’ve kept this up for a whole week. y’all. I’m actually incredibly stoked about this fksbdjsnjf I thought I’d maybe last a few days, but here I am!! posting drawing number SEVEN!!! aaahh!!

anywho, here’s a really quick party poison sketch! I’m still not feeling 100% and I can tell my art game is still off, but hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow and start off a brand new week with some more great art ✨

[keferon]

The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~

Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍

[keferon]

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEMMMMM

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

When They're Drunk|Hyungline

Warnings: Mentioning of alcohol, Complete and utter shanagigans and tomfoolery

Maknaeline

Chan|

“Hehe.” You snapped your head back, looking for the owner of the noise that just blessed your ears. When you couldn’t find the perpetrator you turned back to cutting up vegetables for the soup you were making.

“Hehe.” 

You turn around again. Surely you couldn’t have imagined that. You sighed, shaking your head. Am I going crazy?

Not even a minute passed and you heard it once more.

“Hehe.” This time when you turned you felt your foot hit something soft and squishy.

Chris just side eyed the foot that just kicked his dimpled cheeks and then trailed those same beautiful brown eyes up to you.

“Christopher Bahng get up from the floor, that's nasty!” 

“Hehehehehe.” He continuously giggled as you stared down at him, not even trying to help him get up because you were confident in your inability to do so.

Instead you set aside the knife for your vegetables and slouched down on the floor as well.

“Hehehehehe.” 

“Whats so funny?”

“Carrot.”

You deadpanned at the Aussie in front of you and it sparked another fit of uncontrollable “hehe”’’s.

“Love, what on earth is so funny about carrots?”

His lips shot out into a kissy face as he shook his head. “You don- hehhehe - undertan-heheheh-the- jo-hehehe.”

You sighed as you watched him try- but fail in explaining what he thought was so funny about the crunchy orange vegetable.

“Chris, I think tonight is the last time you should ever drink alcohol, baby.”

Your boyfriend - fiance - looked at you, his dimples showing even more as the giggles kept coming out of him.

“But I had to celebrate!” He pulled your hand from off the ground and put it close to his face. He outlined the ring he had given you. “See? This is a cause for celebration.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you watched the man in front you look at your ring as if he was staring at his laptop screen - with complete 100% undivided attention.

“Chris, you knew I was going to say yes to marrying you, baby. Who in their right mind wouldn’t say yes?”

“Mmmm…a lot of people. Hehe.” 

You got up from the ground, this time Chris coming up with you.

“Alcohol…it…hehe…hehe…hehe…” 

At this point, anyone would have been annoyed with this amount of giggling from a drunk person. But his giggle was so heartbreakingly adorable you couldn’t help but turn around and kiss the lips it was escaping from.

His eyes widened and he cocked his head. “Why…”

“Why did I kiss you?”

“Y-hehe.” He started laughing, his giggles becoming nearly uncontrollable to the point he started coughing- then gagging - then straight up heaving onto the kitchen counter.

Onto the vegetables you had been cutting up for dinner.

You let out an exasperated breath, all while keeping a smile on you face as Chris stared at you wide eyed.

“I didn’t mean to!” He whined, a small hiccup accompanying the sad gesture.

“I know you didn't, baby. You just giggled too much.” You said as you took a damp cloth and began wiping at his face - taking the opportunity to poke his dimple.

“I’m sorry…” His lip poked out in a pout.

“Don’t be. It mighttttt have been one of the reasons I fell for you so hard in the first place.

He smiled and looked out you lovingly as you continued to wipe his face.

This time you were the one to let out the giggle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Minho|

Minho was extremely drunk. You didn’t know how he got so carried away with his drinks. He usually was very careful with the amount of alcohol he ingested, just in case things were to potentially get out of hand and get leaked to the press. 

But even if it did get leaked- you know nothing bad would come of it. Because Minho was not an extreme drunk.

Unless he was extremely caring.

“Baby, you have to put a jacket on or else you’ll get cold.” Minho said as he stripped himself of his jacket and placed it over your shoulders. You chuckled as you took off the jacket, because you were sitting in the guys' dorms, and it was rather warm in there. 

Minho huffed and put his jacket over you again.

“Yah! Baby. You need to put my jacket on or else you’ll be cold.” He said his voice turned more stern in the slightest.

“Its hot in here though…”

“Thats just all the alc…ac..al…acl- thats because you drank too much, love.” His head was shaking as he gave a few tsk tsk sounds. “You had too much fun.”

You sure it was me who had too much fun?

When he turned away to walk to the kitchen you slipped off your cardigan so you’d be slightly less warm, and to make Minho happy by wearing his cologne stained jacket. You inhaled as you always did. His scent bringing every single thought of him to mind.

You smiled as Minho walked back into the living room on wobbly feet with Advil and water. 

“Baby take these. It will help when you’re hungover tomorrow.”

“I’m completely sober, love.” You say, laughter coating your voice. 

Minho groaned and hit his head like a frustrated toddler. “YA! Baby! You’ll be hungover tomorrow if you don’t take your medicine! Here. Here.” He said pushing the medicine into your hands. You tried handing them back but he just groaned. “You’re so stubborn when you’re drunk. I’m never letting you eat again” 

“Eat?”

“Drink I mean drink.” He said, looking up as if he was thinking. “Yeah, drink.” He poured out a few more advil but then the entire bottle fell and the medicine scattered across the floor.

“I can’t have my baby’s head hurt.” He said, shaking his own. He picked up a few medicine tablets of the ground and blew on them. Then he pat your head and shot up onto wobbly feet once more, making a beeline for the fridge to get you a snack, forgetting to hand you the medicine he intended to give you.

He came back with a tub of icecream and a spoon. “Here!” He pushed the tub into your hands, the warmth of his own contrasting with the frigid feel of the container.

As Minho placed both his hands on his knees as he knelt down in front of you, making sure you eat and take your advil, you couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of love for your husband..

“Minho, can you take it first?” You stuck out your lip and gave your best pleading face. “I don’t like it but if you take it first I promise I will.” You said raising your hand.

Without question he swallowed a couple of pills, downing a good bit of the water.

“Anything for my babyyyyy.” He laid his chin in your lap and opened his mouth, waiting for you to spoon feed him. 

His lips wrapped around the spoon in a small “O” but pulled back with a big smile.

“Baby.” He said poking your leg. “And baby.” He said poking your tummy.

“And baby.” You said poking his nose. 

He gave a quick nod and opened his mouth again, as you pet his hair. Except this time he pulled back with a frown.

“Baby! Why are you drinking so much! YA YOU’RE PREGNANT YOU CAN’T DRINK.” He pulled his head off of your lap and was about to scold you again, but instead rushed up to get to the bathroom but made it as far as the kitchen sink before he let out the contents of his celebratory night.

He looked up after giving a long sigh, the exhaustion for the night hitting him almost immediately.

He whimpered and went to go hug you, putting his head on your shoulder. 

“I think I’m drunk…” He whined.

“And I think I’m pregnant.”

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Changbin|

“YAH!! WHY ARE YOU LOOOKING AT MY PARTNER?!” You had to hold Binnie back as he kicked his tiny little legs trying to get to the poor guy who had only glanced in your general direction.

“CHANGBIN JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” 

The angry little gym rat turned to you and pouted. “He looked at you.”

“Be so for real Bin.”

“I am. His eyes landed on you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as Changbin deadpanned at you, and the guy quickly scurried away.

“Changbin you won’t bite, but you’ll sure as hell bark.”

“I will bite.”

“Really, now?”

Changbin nodded with determination. “Watch and learn.” He waddled up to his hyung and latched his teeth onto Christopher’s shoulder.

“HOLY SHIT-” Chris pulled away quickly and Changbin smiled a you. “I told you I bite!” He said as he mimicked the nerd and finger emoji combination.

Seungmin and Minho were laughing their asses off as Chris looked at your boyfriend horrified. The at you with a look of utter betrayal.

“Y/N… how could you even suggest that.” He said his eyes wide.

“I didn’t think he’d actually bite to be honest…”

Changbin waddled back over to you and latched his arm by your side. Looking around intently.

“What are you looking for baby?”

“Enemies. If another dares to look at my preciou- hnnnghh - Y/N I’ll rip their - hnnnghgh - face off.”

You all paused in the middle of the street, allowing Changbin a few minutes of fresh air and even breathing until his nausea passed.

“He gets really feisty when drunk, huh?” Felix asked as you guys all sat on the sidewalk, Minho patting the younger’s back while he bent over closer to the ground - even though with his height he was basically at the ground. 

“Yeah haha… I knew he was possessive but I didn’t expect him to be this possessive.”

Changbin looked up to a see a woman and her child walking and he yelled out again. “ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY PRECIOUS Y/N-IE???”

The woman looked at Changbin as if he was a psycho and ushered herself and her child off quickly.

Felix began to laugh which sparked a fit of laughter from all of the people. 

“He really does want to pick a fight with every single person that walks by.” Hyunjin commented as he shot a look towards a group of young kids walking towards you guys.

They saw a drunk man bent over and like the smart kids they were crossed the street.

“He’s a handful.” You groan as you lay back on the sidewalk. Not even considering the amount of germs on it. “But he’s my handful.”

“Quite literally too. Because he is about as small as Bangchan is old,  and Hyunjin is dramatic.” Seungmin commented without so much as a smile. You couldn’t help but laugh at how serious he was.

“YAH SEUNGMINNNNNNN!! WHY ARE YOU MAKING Y- HNNHNDKFH-” Before he could finish his sentence Changbin was throwing up and you got up to go help him.

“Y/N…I don’t feel good.” 

“I know baby, I know.” You said. 

“Why do people keep looking at you? I only want to look at you.” He said as you guys all continued that last final stretch to the dorm.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m pretty?”

“No. You’re beautiful theres a difference.”

You smiled and opened your mouth to ask what exactly about you was beautiful, but Changbin ripped himself from your arms and started rushing towards a middle aged man who was stepping out of a restaurant with his wife.

“YAHHHH!”

You groaned and rushed after your little angry toddler - vowing to never let him get this drunk again.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Hyunjin|

Hyunjin sat across from you at the sports bar you guys were at. Seungmin had dragged you all along to watch the world series with him; and since you guys were in America you thought the Kids thought it would be a fun experience to experience an American sports bar.

Hyunjin had long since drunk his fair share of alcohol.

“Its not like in Korea…” He had said before he went down the rabbit hole of different beverages.

Chan had been glancing over in concern, but relaxed a little when he noticed how well you were taking care of your boyfriend.

You popped an onion ring in your mouth and Hyunjin was staring at the basket of fried goodness in front of you.“Do you like onions? Would you like one?”

Hyunjin shook his head- yet proceeded to grab one and place it on your ring finger, then placing one on his.

“See Jagiya? We’re married now.” He mumbled, his cheeks flushed, a beautiful but slightly concerning pink.

“Baby, I think its time we get you back to the hotel.” You informed Chris that you would be taking Hyunjin back.

“Are you sure thats safe? I can send another one of the guys with you-” You shook your head. “Okay. Just call me if you need anything?” 

“Of course Christopher. And don’t worry. I grew up in this city so I know my way around.” You say giving a friendly wink and helping Hyunjin up from his chair.

The night breeze was cool, and you figured it would help Hyunjin sober up slightly.

Which you were correct about, since about ¾ of the way back to the hotel he was coherent enough to make normal conversation - albeit his response time was somewhat slow and his answers slightly slurred.

You noticed a small group of girls lock eyes with you and widen them simultaneously.

“Jinnie. I think you have some fans.” You said, a smile appearing on your face as they slowly made their way over. You helped them get over their hesitation as you waved them over.

“We won’t bite!” You giggled.

They came up to you and seemed to struck to speak.

“I-Is that…you and Hyunjin?”

You chuckled. “Yeah we were going to go public soon, but they were trying to figure out how to break the news that Hyunjin was dating a staff member…but I assume a lot of you have peeped something out. Especially since we’ve been together over a year now. The only reason why we’ve decided to disclose at all is because you guys are so intuitive. Stay should the new FBI.” You joked. The girls immediately eased up and Hyunjin bowed to them, giving a slightly sloppy smile. 

“Can we get a picture?” One of the girls asked, you looked at Hyunjin but the girl corrected herself. “We meant like..with… both of you? You guys are adorable together!” You felt your heart almost burst at your first supporting fans of you and Jinnie’s relationship.

“Baby are you good to take a picture?”

He nodded- in a seeming state of almost complete soberness and posed happily for a few pictures with you and the stays.

“Are we allowed to post this?” One of them asked meekly.

“I would wait until JYP releases an official announcement of our relationship. But after that of course.” You dig in your purse and pull out a few photocards. “Here…I think Chris and…Seungmin signed these ones. And this one is… Binnie!” You said handing them the cards. “Baby…can you sign the cards too?”

Hyunjin nodded and signed the cards, and you heard one of the girls gasp in surprise.

Hyunjin still had the onion ring on his finger.

“Jinnie! Why the fuck-frick do you still have the onion ring on your finger?!” You asked in complete shock, correcting yourself in front of the girls.

“Because we’re married? Duh.” He said in complete seriousness. He bowed to the girls politely and then came up with force. “Remember when you post to caption Y/N as my wife. I’ll even let you take a picture with the rings too.” He nudged your shoulder, provoking you to stick out your hand as well, and the girls looking at each other with slight giggles as they all snapped pictures of your and Hyunjin’s hands.

Once they were finished they waved goodbye they scurried off in the opposite direction.

You let out a big guffaw. “I really hope you remember this Jinnie.”

~~~~

“Y/N? Why is there a picture of my hand with an onion ring going viral on social media?”

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha @iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric @panbish-1209

[atleastpleasetelephone]

Kinktober Day 17 - Biting/Bite Marks

Pairing: BDE x Reader

Word count: 1.2K

TWs: Biting, bite marks, possessive kink, oral (f receiving), reader calls Elvis Daddy, Elvis is a little dominant, praise kink.

A/N: Thanks to @jhoneybees for the initial idea for this one!

Kinktober masterlist

“What do ya mean, you’re bored?” His big hands grip your hips, his breath hot on your ear. 

You tremble a little. You were afraid the conversation might go like this. 

“It’s jus’... Daddy we always do the same things… I was just wondering if-”

“Lean back,” he replies, firmly. 

“Whaddya…” 

He lets go of your hips and pushes your torso back and away from him, hard, making you squeal. You feel like you’re falling, but you just end up flopping against his legs. Then you feel him grasp your hips again as he manhandles you into the position he wants. Somehow your legs are over his shoulders and his face is between them. He takes the opportunity to breathe in the smell of your pussy, before ripping your panties off with his teeth. They were pretty flimsy anyway, but it still makes you gasp. 

“This more exciting for you, baby?” He asks, sarcastically. 

“Y-yes, Daddy.”

One of his arms crosses your belly, pulling you tightly against him, as the other holds a thigh. You feel a sudden pinching pain on your inner thigh, and realise he’s biting you. You squeak. 

“Shhhh. Daddy needs to mark ya…” he growls, carrying on sucking your skin through his teeth, leaving bruises. 

He keeps going, oblivious to your noises and you begging him to stop. “D-daddy… it hurts…. Please…”

“You wanted this,” he reminds you, taking a moment to survey his work and then quickly adding an additional bite right at the top of one of your thighs. “There,” he says softly, the sudden change of tone making your head spin. “That’s just right.” 

You whine, the blood is rushing to your head and you’re feeling uncomfortable as well as sore. Then you feel his tongue against you and forget everything else. 

“Mmmm.” He moans into you, you’re so deliciously wet for him it’s making his senses reel. 

Your blood doesn’t know where it wants to go most as it rushes up to your pussy, leaving your head feeling light and dizzy. As he pulls you further up to give himself easier access, you can feel his erection pressing into the back of your neck. 

“Ohhh. Daddy.” You moan. 

Somewhere along the line you’d both got comfortable. You’d wear a pretty frilly thing you knew he’d like, he’d lick you through your panties and then when they were sodden pull them off and lick you without. He’d make you cum, sometimes he’d fuck you but mostly he’d just rut his hips against the bed and cum that way. He loves eating you, and over time that just became almost the only thing he’d ever do. Same position, same steps, same result. You liked the result, but every time you just prayed for something a little different. A new thrill. Well, now you were upside-down with his face buried in your pussy, bite marks all over your thighs. He was right. This was what you wanted. 

“You like this, baby?” He asks, moving his face to look down at you. 

“Yes. Yes. Please don’t stop.”

He chuckles at your neediness and resumes his licking and sucking. You’re a funny little thing. He likes how small you are, it makes it easy for him to pick you up and throw you around a little, though he hasn’t done it for a while. You’d got into a routine together, and part of him really likes how predictable it is. But the other part rages against it, just like he rages against the predictable tedium of playing Vegas over and over. But even with you, little, sweet, agreeable you, who would do anything her Daddy asked her to, he didn’t feel able to do anything to change it. Felt trapped, just like he does in his professional life. It seemed easier to just keep doing the same old routine. Safer. 

When you told him you were bored, he was angry. But mostly with himself. Like a tiger suddenly let out of its cage, he bit you. Couldn’t help it. Wants you to know who you belong to. Wants everyone to know. 

“You gonna cum for me, little one?” He mumbles into your pussy. 

You yelp. The delicious vibrations he’s sending through you, the sting of the bites on your legs, the way his arms grip you, how light-headed you feel… 

“Yes, Daddy.”

He can hear your little moans and grumblings but he wants more. 

“Let Daddy hear you,” he commands, moving away from you briefly.

Your head flops back as you let go completely, filthy noises falling from your lips as he brings you to orgasm, his talented tongue dancing over your clit. 

“Elvis!” You cry out in ecstasy, legs trembling as pleasure shoots through your body. 

He smiles into your pussy as he gently licks you through it, then expertly manhandles you back into a seated position on his lap. Your head leans heavily against his chest as his arms wrap around you. 

“Okay, little one?” He asks gently, after a few minutes. 

“Dizzy, Daddy,” you tell him, your headrush still not subsiding. Your body still not quite grasping which way is up.

He strokes your back and kisses the top of your head. “Sorry, baby. You’ll feel better in a minute.”

You rest there for a while longer before you feel like you can actually open your eyes and look at him. His concerned facial expression makes you immediately break into a big smile. 

“I’m okay now,” you tell him, and he kisses you. You pull a face, trying to push his arousal-covered face away from you. “Ewww. Stop it!”

He chuckles and wrestles you closer, kissing you again. “Taste yourself, little one.”

“No!” You giggle, pushing ineffectually at his chest. 

“Yes,” he tells you, grabbing the back of your head and kissing you deeply. 

You pout and he laughs. “C’mon. I’ll wash my face and then we should go to dinner.”

You get up and hunt around for a new pair of panties, pulling them on and then looking at yourself in the mirror. You manage to sort your hair and your make-up out, and then you see the state of your thighs. Squeezing them together you look again. No, those bruises are still visible. You grab a longer skirt out of the closet and start to pull it on. 

“Whaddya think you’re doing?” His voice is molasses and you feel like you might be about to immediately ruin another pair of panties. 

“I can’t wear that skirt, it’s too short,” you try to tell him, matter-of-factly. “People can see the bruises.”

He shakes his head solemnly and tugs the long skirt back off you again. “Put it back on.”

You whine a little but do as you’re told, standing there in your miniskirt with your bruised and bitten thighs on show. 

“Good girl,” he tells you, his hand on your jaw, pulling your face so your lips meet his in a passionate kiss. His fingers press against your bruises. “Want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“Daddy…” you whine again. 

“You wanted to do something new, little one,” he chides. “You were the one who was bored. You’re not bored now, are ya?”

You huff. “Well, no, but…”

He raises a warning eyebrow and you stop talking. 

“Let’s go to dinner.”

Taglist:

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed:

@vintagepresley @arg-xoxo @from-memphis-with-love @msamarican @blursedblegh @returntopresley @another-identityofmine @eapep @everythingelvispresley @i-r-i-n-a-a @sissylittlefeather @arrolyn1114 @jhoneybees @cattcb @polksaladava @lookingforrainbows @jkdaddy01 @ccab @epthedream69 @lustnhim @elvisslut @pomtherine @that-hotdog @ladelinee @angschrof @fairybloodsucker @deltafalax @makethemorning @elviswhore69 @ilovequeen978

[chaotic-nick]

— (at the end of the day) I'm Glad: Ichigo Kurosaki × reader

plot: — where you come home to Ichigo's house after a night of patrolling and sit on the roof with him.

established relationship - canon divergent au - college au

wordcount:

series masterlist

(Y/n)’s heart begins to pound loudly when she sees the roof of Ichigo’s house nearby as if her duties as substitute soul reaper didn’t make it race every time she encountered a hollow. Then louder when she sees the light of his bedroom on. Out of respect she’d go back to her human body and knock though at night, when swarmed with assignments, she goes straight to his roof.

And her heart pounds in excitement. Even more when Ichigo opens the window to lean on it’s frame and ever so casually. “You alright?”

She jabbed her thumb at the collar of her uniform, “Course I am. Stopped at Urahara’s to get these covered, I’m okay though.”

“Next time,” his tone so caring and concerned. As he spoke, Ichigo opened his window wider to take his seat on the roof, “You call me before you jump into them.”

“Mmmm, maybe … when you finish your final paper, Uryu’s medicals something something examinations are killing him too. This is the least I can do to help.”

Ichigo’s hand cupped the side of her head, guiding it to his lap. “You just play with them with your shikai . . .”

“Yeah, cause you strike them down with your bankai. Let me... let my head out once in a while. If I did that anywhere else I'd be called insane”

“You can take it out on me.”

“Uh-huh, and the motel money?”

“Right . . . ” Ichigo early blushed remembering the many times he needed to … rush himself when he felt a looming spiritual pressure outside his room every time they tried something.

“Though had I called you today, and you tried to go bankai on them again I’d burst out laughing again.”

Nearly launching his girlfriend’s head off his lap, Ichigo looked down at her face with his eyes wide. “WHAT NOW, (Y/N)?”

“Because,” making herself comfortable in his lap, (Y/n) tried meeting his eyes, “your eyebrows go like this— when you summon bankai, and then it gets so funny and cute when you start yelling other stuff.”

“Says the one who whispers your command.”

Resting her hand on her zanpackuto’s hilt, “My Yumeko understands I’m shy okay.” She looked up at him, pinching his chin, “And she knows that you make missions fun. I’m glad I met you.”

“His war, hand on her forehead, he nearly covered her eyes when he reached down to rub the tip of her nose, ”I’m glad I love you.”

“Oh, well, I’M glad that I get to go swish swish on hollows and you stay on your desk.”

“I’m glad you’re bearable than Uryu.”

“I’m glad you have—” a continuous beep of the soul phone tucked in her obi alerted of her the hollows at the Karakura bridge, “Well, go back to studying, Ichi.”

“No way I’m letting you go like that,” standing with her he called for Kon to take over his body and joined (Y/n). “It’d be morning when we’re done, and Kisuke paid me today.”

Eyes gleaming at what his words implied, (Y/n) squealed. “I’m so glad I love you!”

“Yeah, yeah, alright let’s go.”

“Don’t look at me when you yell bankai though.”

“Oh shut up!”

Taglist (interacted with the masterlist):

@weird-dere @wintrrxxo @blueparadis

[sanjisblackasswife]

okay so i had a silly idea and i needed to talk it out… what about… some fun during sex like it’s not embarrassing but you’re there fucking and then start to joke around and laugh or argue for fun… while fucking at the same time…. with the monster trio + law…. please timi ily 💞💕💓💗💖💘💝💞💞💝💖

“𝔽𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝕄𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝔻𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕊𝕖𝕩 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕞”

its not a silly idea lowkey reminds me of them funny moments of sex i did w them but anyways i Immediately thought of the different possibilities with Luffy🌚

Black Fem Reader

Ft. Sanji, Luffy, Law, Zoro

CW: Sex, but clumsy sex, laughter, established relationships

Luffy

One of the best things about sex with Luffy is that there is never a dull moment.

He makes sex so intimate yet exciting and most of all funny and sweet

For example, Luffy noticed how sore your body was from a very intense battle days prior and he suggested in giving you a massage since you always begged him to give you one

“Let me give you a message!”

“….a what.”

“A message! that thing you been asking me to do where I put my hands on your back—“

“A MASSAGE?!”

“Yeah thats what I said!”

You got naked, and Luffy didnt understand so he got naked too. Not necessarily questioning him, he was sitting on top of you, dick on your ass as he casually rubs oil on your back while you lay on your tummy.

“Mmmm thank you, Lu. You’re really good at this.”

“Don’t sound so surprised! You always said I’m good with my hands, like when i finger yo—-“

“OKAY LUFFY!”

It was a surprisingly nice silence between you both just for a while , but of course, Luffy being a guy, and with the slight friction and sounds of your pretty moans he started to get hard.

Luffy can usually ignore his boners but in his mind he doesn’t see why to do so if you’re both naked and in bed.

“Hm…um…Y/N…?”

“Hm?”

It was silence for a moment, you didn’t bother to open your eyes, being patient to hear what he has to say, instead you feel something tap your buttcheek.

It was Luffy. Non verbally asking to fuck you by slapping his tip on you.

“Yes, Lu.” You sigh playfully to his request, he giggles, thanking you for letting him slide himself inside you, he hovers over your back a bit, both hands forming gripping your ass as his hips thrust up into you like a dog. You’d be a liar to say his whimpers and pants from behind wasn’t riling you up more.

“Right~ there ah!~” The sounded of skin slapping as his cock dragged in and out, slightly hitting that small sweet spot on the left really had you so close to cumming until—

“Dammit!”

Luffy’s hands slipped, the oil and precum that was mixed on your ass caused him to lose balance and fall atop of you, and to make matters worse he slid off your wet body to then fall off the bed, holding your waist to bring you down in the process.

“Wha—!?”

So here you were, now on top of Luffy, oily, naked and on the floor of the rug. You both stare in confusion for a moment not registering what happened after you both shrieked. The silence overtook the room until Luffy began to burst out laughing with you.

“Why did you fall?!”

“Ion know..” Luffy kept giggling looking down at your lower body, adjusting you to slide back down on his cock, because sure you both kinda ruined the sexual mood, but that doesn’t stop him. “Just ride me then like you did last week.”

You groan, he was so exhausting, and as much as you wanted to protest, he smiled at you, his hair reverting back to it’s fluffy curly state due to sweat. Luffy kisses your lower lip and lays his head down to thrust up into you.

You didn’t mind at that point to finish sex on the floor.

It was Luffy after all.

Zoro

You and Zoro always bicker when like this and something doesnt go either of your guys’ way.

You both could be doing doggy style and Zoro gets pissy because you’re not letting him “do all the work”

It still ends with you both fucking like rabbits, but it’s still such a funny sight to see

“Are you trying to suck the soul out of me?!” Zoro literally was pulling you off his overstimulated dick since you wanted to suck him through his next orgasm, his face was so red and hot you nearly felt bad for how much you gave him a blissful sting after just orgasming.

“Yes, actually…” You smirked, small string of your spit and his cum falling down the corner of your lip, Zoro rolls his eyes .His shakey hand touches your face to wipe the fluid off your face to then put his thumb in your mouth.

“Shut up.” He grumbled, you roll your eyes, arms crossed between his legs suckling his thumb, you whine feeling Zoro place you on your back, upset you no longer have his digit swirling around your slutty tongue. “No more of that shit with you.”

“What shit.” You pout.

“Being so fucking pissy when you don’t get your way.”

“I always get my way so of course I’m ganna be pissy when I—AH~!”

Zoro wraps your thighs around his waist, you don’t even know when he pushed his way in your pussy all you could do was quickly grab onto his shoulders.

“Y-you! Fuck— asshole!” Complaining yet non stop moans hit your green haired boyfriend’s ear, you could feel his sly smirk against your neck while you try to get him to slow down.

You hated how easily he can make you melt once he is on top of you, his weight against yours, grunting and breathing harshly, almost as if he was trying to prove a point he begins talking in between strokes.

“You’re always—-so fucking—-annoying when you don’t listen to me.”

“Fuck! You! I don’t have to listen to shit!”

“Oh yeah?”

In an instant Zoro presses his lips against yours, allowing one hand you move your head closer as he forces his tongue inside you mouth, and just like he predicted you couldn’t help yourself but to latch onto it moaning.

“You’re so full of shit—MMPH!”

You can keep talking your shit, it doesn’t matter to Zoro, he loves it actually, your words as naughty as your body begging for more and he does just that.

You both don’t know what it is about acting out this love/hate relationship during sex, but it fuels you both into some of the best moments in bed, with even sweeter moments afterwards, wtih Zoro holding you close against his tired worn body, and your limp one, kissing you lazily as he praises how well you took him.

That man really falls for you harder each time.

Sanji

It’s kinda common for you both to have a few hiccups when having sex, he still has his moments where the overwhelming pleasure of you naked and touching him gets the best of his actions.

You wanted to ride him, Sanji was always trying to be “against” it only because the mere thought of your breast jiggling in his face, your pussy around his dick and your ass slamming down on him gets him in a very shocked state where he can’t even produce coherent words

He’s afraid he wont be able to last long.

Not like you care, you loved seeing him crumble under you.

“Pleasseee, please please pleaseee.”

You never really have to beg much for Sanji to say yes, but for this case you do and finally after 45 whole minutes of naughty touching and kissing behind his ear as he was in the kitchen he agrees

So, you did the usual; sucked his dick, praised him, got him way more riled up than needs to be and you decide its time to finally sink down onto his dick.

Well you do and not even 2 bounces in he is whimpering like a slut, and cumming like a whore.

“Wait wait wait waitttttt—FUCK!” Sanji holds you down, the harsh grip on your waist as his own hips stutter slamming up into make you cry out he leans into your breast, breath barely escaping his mouth, “You’re too good at this…”

You roll your eyes, your blondie actually looked cute so worn in the face already , sucking your bottom lip as you feel him twitch inside you, his cum making a mess of your thighs.

“You came alot…” You kiss and rub his head, you can hear him pout, Sanji felt embarrassed, usually he is able to at least TRY to not cum before you, but it was all too overwhelming for him.

“It’s okay, Ji…” You laugh picking his head up to cup his blushed cheeks, “I’m glad I make you feel good.”

“You make me feel like I died and went to Heaven but….”

….

“Your pussy is a damn weapon of itself.” He mumbles, covering his attitude by smothering his face back into your breast, You let out a chuckle , his vulgar words during sex never cease to make you turned on and flustered, considering he tries not to speak such filthy words outside of the bedroom.

“Just relax we have all night——MMPHH!?”

Amazed by the swiftness of his speed, Sanji already had you on your back, small light kisses against your lips he looks down to realign himself.

You moan softly, feeling the way his tip was wiggling against your sensitive clit, your noises bring his eyes to snap at you, Sanji always had a tendency of seeing your face the moment he pushes himself inside.

“You don’t have to—ah!” Throwing your head back on the fluffy pillow, the shift in his hips bring you to nip at your lip,

“Dammit I wish you could see your face right now.” Sanji whispered against your lips, his damp hair tickling your cheek, “You’re so fucking hot.”

Your mixtures of moans and giggles were intoxicating to the man, wrapping your arms and legs around him you crack a smile, “You’re so —-cute…”

Sanji blushes, once again feeling himself get close, he buried his face in your neck, breathless laughs hit your skin as his thrust transition from fast and shallow to deeper and slower.

You hum in content, rubbing his nape, “You’re cuter….way cuter….” Sanji finally lets out holding your hips to rock against his. You both coming close to a blissful orgasm to share together, he finally collapsed atop of you, peppering your neck in kisses, praising you softly.

“Thank you for the meal…or whatever.”

You share another laugh with him under the covers.

He was so cute when he got like this. And it was all for you.

Law

You are just a little shit and he knows it.

You always have to make him more stressed than what he is

Law swears up and down you get off to annoying him more than actually fucking him

Like now.

Law agreed to let you sit on his face, it’s been a rough day for you both but as doing so you nearly kill him.

“Why are you trying to suffocate me.”

“Because…”

“Because why?!”

“….you made me upset.”

Law knows why you’re “upset”, so he groans,

“I told you Bepo needed me. I’m here now arent i?”

“You love Bepo more than me just say it.” You pouted, your thick thighs beside his face as you sit bare naked atop of him.

Law sighs, his hands creep to your hips and traces shapes on your fatty dark skin, “C’mon….sit again. But don’t fucking kill me this time.”

You turned your head, huffing, you weren’t actually upset but being a brat came second nature to you. And Law knew it which is why when you got like this, when you didn’t “get your way” he took matters into his own hands.

Or moreso tongue.

“L-Law?!”

Pushing your lower body back on his mouth he looks up at you, his eyes peering up to grab your arms and guide them against the headboard to hold yourself up.

“S-stop—ah! Stop it im mad at y-yyou.” You rocked your hips, trying to move away and yet the flat of his tongue gliding and sliding against your slippery slit just turned him on more, just enough to pull out his own dick to stroke it.

You turn to notice, “Pervert!”

Law winks at you, “Then do it yourself. I felt you clench anyways when you seen it. So who’s the real pervert?”

“You fucker—“

Pushing you lower against his mouth and holding down your thighs, you felt the vibrations of his groans, your pervy tatted boyfriend always gets so caught up in tasting you, that you nearly get lost in the pleasure yourself.

“L-Law!…~”

You reach with one hand to stroke his shaft, grinding against his nose, hearing the wet sounds below you.

“I’m still—hm! mad at you!”

That earned you a smack to the ass, “Yeah yeah be mad and cum on my tongue.” Law muffled on your clit, you wanted to curse him out so badly, and almost like he read your mind you could feel his 2 thicker fingers stretch your tiny hole, bringing you closer to,

“‘m close!” You moaned out picking up your pace with your hand so he can cum with you.

You could hear his whimpers and heavy breathing, making a mess of your palms and knuckles as he bucked into your touch, You knew he’d be super sensitive right after cumming, but you decided to turn yourself around and “clean him up”.

“WH-WAIT WAIT WAIT—FUCK Y/N!” Law’s voice broke trying to sit up, feeling your slutty lips sucking and licking his twitching tip, “N-NOT NOW!”

“Mmhmm” You hummed mockingly against his shaft, “I’m just ganna clean you up.”

He knew exactly what you were doing, and as painfully good as your mouth felt he couldn’t submit so easily to your demise, so he “returned the favor”, by moving you back on his face.

“St-stop it!”

“What?” Law teased, before giving your clit a kiss, “I’m just cLeAnInG yOu Up.”

The sheering competitiveness of you both lasted a while on who can make who cum first.

It was a tie.

[cheriladycl01]

The Rookie Prodigy - Carlos Sainz x Driver! Reader Part 8

Plot: You are a rookie coming into the 2022 season of Formula One into Alfa Romeo with team member Zhou Guanyu, being in a mid tier team can you help them rise up the ranks. What pressures occur for the only rookies within the 2022 line up!

You and Carlos took the flight to Spain from Miami together. After you slept in his hotel room for the night you knew you’d have to stay with him atleast until the Spanish Grand Prix. You felt so unsafe whenever you turned a corner, but being with Carlos made you feel like you weren’t fully alone.

By the time you got to his home it was the middle of the night and nobody was awake. The house was dark and quiet but you could tell that it was his family home from all the dark portraits of him and his family lining the walls in the entry way.

“Is this you?” You ask politely looking at the funny photo of a young toddler Carlos with cake smushed all over his face.

“Yes but don’t … don’t look at that” he sighs trying to pull you away from the many photos of him and his sisters and parents. Those photos then bled into those of his extended family that you did not recognise.

“It’s cute, that your mum and dad keep all this. And that you still have a room here” you smile kindly at him.

“Mmmm, I guess. Look I don’t want to make too much noise, I know my sisters have work early tomorrow so let’s go up to my room” he says taking your wrist to guide you up the stairs.

You follow his every footstep to make sure not to hit any of the planks of wood that will groan under weight. It was clear Carlos knew how to get in quietly. You make it up the large wooden staircase and he walks you carefully down the corridor.

For a minute you feel like a teenager again, no worries in the world apart from the wrath of a teenage boys mothers whose caught the two of you coming back into his room.

But the reason you are here with Carlos isn’t just because he’s snuck you back into his room after a night out. It’s for you safety, as many people out there, don’t like you right now.

Part of you thought it would have been wise to reach out to Lewis and see what he had to say. After all he was a large part to play in all this. At the same time you didn’t want him to feel guilty as though this was his fault.

Once Carlos had quietly shut the door of his room, he helped drag your case into the corner of the room.

“I’ll take the floor and you can take my bed” Carlos says in hushed tones, smiling softly looking over you.

“If you are okay with it, I’d rather share the bed with you. Y-your bed is against the wall, so if you lay next to me i’d feel safer… because no-one could get to me” you say sheepishly.

“You set the rules for us Y/N, it’s better if i go to the floor. I dont want to start something you wont let me finish. No-one can get to you in this house, you are safe!” he admits and you sigh.

Carlos was someone you wanted in your corner, luckily the Spaniard was a mature enough man to put behind him everything that occured between the two of you and be there for you as a friend.

But you couldn’t help but feel the … distance between the both of you. And it was growing more and more each day. At the hotel, he saw you in a moment of completley vulnerability and it’s not often that Carlos Sainz has women crying infront of him, that arent fans of course. So hugging you, and holding you as you sniffled yourself to sleep felt like the right thing to do.

But it broke his heart knowing that nothing would come of it, as you’d made those wishes very clear all that time ago. Career focused lady … at one point in life Carlos thought that was something very attractive in a woman, he’d be lying if he said he didnt now but he couldn’t help but be slightly annoyed at the world and how you assume you’ll be viewed if you were to ever be involved with a driver.

But then you also both had the answer to how people would react from the state that your home was left in all because there were rumours between you and Lewis.

Once you too thought about the consequences of sharing a bed, you agreed as the last thing you wanted to do was force the friendship down a rocky path, one where your jobs are affected on track.

That was the last thing you wanted.

“Are you sure the floor is okay? I feel really bad” you frown as you sit on the edge of his bed, looking at where he is stood across the room.

“Yeah, i have stuff from when my sisters used to have sleepovers in here with me” he smiles in a nostalgic sort of way, thinking of when he was younger.

“You used to have sleepovers?” you ask cocking a brow,not having expected that from him. However you could tell that he was very much a family man.

“Lets go to sleep hermosa, we can dicuss my family life more tomorrow, but you need rest” he sighs, starting to lay down a thin single matress next to the bed. He grabbed blankets from the wooden closet and a pillow from the bed you’d be sleeping in.

“Sorry, no spares” he says before settling and laying down. He’d changed into some pijamas behind a little partition in his room. He gestured for you to take your turn.

You were desperate for a shower and to scrub off the entire Miami weekend. She wanted to bask under some warm water, but knew that wasnt a possibility at this time of night and in a shared house.

You changed into a large t-shirt before awkwardly shuffling back round to get into his bed.

Despite him not being there often the sheets still smelt like … him. His cologne or his body wash and it was an intoxicating smell that had you laying on your back staring at the ceiling questioning everything.

“Carlos?” You ask quietly to see if he was awake, but when there was no reply you figure he is probably asleep.

“Maybe in another reality you and I could be something more, I think one of my biggest regrets in life will be pushing you away that day and my biggest fear is loosing you as a person in my corner, however that may be. You’ve been kind to me in the short time you’ve known me and made me feel safe and protected when I’ve never felt more vulnerable. I just hope you know that I’m thankful for everything you’ve done and I wish I could let that part of myself open up to you” you sigh letting out everything you’d been thinking throughout the day.

That night you’d slept the most peacefully you had done in years. And you couldn’t help but feel thankful to Carlos.

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @viennakarma @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[hungharrington]

something about teasing steve in public to the point where he's just flustered and so whiny and can barely keep a conversation... aaah

MMMM ANON U ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE 

it won’t even be your fault in the beginning, he’s just a little more keyed up than usual - a steamy dream of your lips stretched around his cock that felt a little too real, had him squirming in his sleep— and worse is, he slept later than usual because of it so he hadn’t even been able to get out of his system before heading to work :( so yeah, his hormones might be flowing a little easier today but steve is fine! he’s fairly confident that the boring lull of his solo shift is precisely the boner killer he needs. 

except, of course, you decide to visit him— because you’re so nice to your boyfriend! and somehow, it’s like you manage to look actually mouth-watering today, like steve does a double take when the chime of the door goes off, head looking up twice and it’s like a visceral reaction, a pulse of heat that runs through his body. steve out right groans a little bit, covers his face with his hands for a moment and then runs them through his hair. you’re frowning a bit because what kind of welcome is that? and steve’s like “no no! not like that!” but fuck, wait those shorts you’re wearing are quite short— showing off your thighs sinfully and steve actually can’t control how he eyes you up and down unashamedly, tongue darting out to wet his lips — you clock the horny in him in a second

“my my, what’s got you in a such a mood today?” you ask, an elbow meeting the front counter as you lean on it, but you might as well be purring the words to steve- the way you just read him in an instant does not help all of the morning’s unforgotten feelings from crawling back into his body— steve groans aloud again when he feels his dick twitch in interest in his pants. 

“don’t,” he warns, jabbing a finger in your direction as his other hand as subtlety as he can readjusts his pants, “i was already nearly late to work because of you!” that makes you frown a bit in confusion, moving to round the counter to properly greet him since it’s so quiet in store- you plunk down a bag containing some lunch of him that you’d brought with you. steve arms are waiting and twine around your waist as your sling over his shoulders and round his neck, a sweet embrace with his back to the door. you smirk up at him just a bit, “late because of me? and how did i manage that all the way from my own home?” 

steve glances at the front door, dutiful in checking there’s no one coming, but even so his voice drops a bit quieter when he says, “you… i had a dream about you.” his face manages to get a little warmer, given away by the colour in his cheeks, and if you weren’t clued in before you definitely are now. steve’s funny about dreams, even though you assure him you’re quite flattered he searches for you even in his subconscious— but he always admits them a bit shyly, like you might react badly.

“a dream?” you echo, slithering your hands from around his neck down his chest purposefully — and steve shivers at the motion. before he gets a moment to tell you knock it off, you’re speaking first, hands travelling to trace over his tummy, “what sorta dream?” you ask, even though you know. steve glares at you because he knows it too. he glances out the front window again and speaks in a hushed voice when he turns back, “y’know,” he says, face somehow growing redder. “like a… a sexy dream,” 

and that makes you laugh a little bit, because how can he be so good at dirty talk in bed and still call it ‘a sexy dream’ like a 13 year old? you’ll never know. all you do know is that you’ve decided mischief is what you’re after today, hands slipping under his polo to scratch lightly along his v line — and it’s enough to make steve’s breath stutter. “what are you—?” he asks, his hands around your waist beginning to move, like he might seize your torturous hands. “what happened in the dream?” you ask instead, cutting him off. you pair your question with a hand that runs down his front, not at all subtle with the way you brush against his cock. it shoots a thrill through you to feel he’s already half hard in his pants- your hand ends up atop his thigh, fingers rubbing the sensitive inner part of it as you ask him again, before he can catch up, “what got you so worked up, stevie?” steve’s eyes scrunch closed, whether from the memory of the dream or your inching higher hand— the other stays on his tummy, thumbing light circles on his happy trail. 

“you-“ he starts, cutting himself off with another little shiver. one hand leaves your waist like he’s going to grab your own but you’re already trailing further up, beginning just lightly palming him through his jeans - and his hand just hovers instead, clenching into a fist. his gaze has moved to watch your hand work him intently “fuck, wait,” he says, breath a little heavier than before. “you— you were,” he’s scarlet in the face by this point, words getting a little weaker. you properly rub him, curling your fingers around what you can feel and giving it a good squeeze and steve audibly swears, some pathetic noise escaping his throat before he can stop it. 

“you gotta stop,” he manages to exhale through a jagged breath, even though his hands stay exactly as they are, flexing through his pent up hormones. “it’s— someone could…” he trails off breathily as you dip your thumb beneath his waist line as you give another delicious rub along his cock, enough that another strangled pitiful noise comes from steve’s mouth, along with a whisper of your name. you can’t tell if it’s lucky for him or not that nobody has come into the store in the time you’ve been toying with him. you pout exaggeratingly, “but you didn’t even tell me what happened in the dream?” 

you choose that exact moment to retract your hands, pulling back just a bit and standing on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his scorching cheek. steve’s blinking, confused by the whiplash of suddenly having so much touch turn to none but you’re already rounding the corner— “you’ll have to tell me later, i guess! enjoy lunch, baby” and he’s like stammering, turning in time as you approach the door and barely get out his own goodbye before you’re gone, the bell chiming as you go. steve huffs, taking one glance at his pants and resigning himself to spending the next hour pressed against the counter and not moving at all. “little minx,” he curses, tugging his collar away from his neck to try cool off even just a bit. he swears that is the longest shift he’s ever worked - but can’t even be too mad about what you did, considering you were well & truly waiting for him when he came home, ready to bring his dream to life 

[deathofacupid]

haircuts | tom holland

summary: for some reason, you let tom give you a haircut.

warnings: one dirty joke, talk of hitman (??) it's really just fluff-

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader

word count: 1.0k+ words

“why on earth did i agree to this in the first place?” you asked, looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror.

“because i’m the best boyfriend ever and you love me,” he scoffed, as if it were obvious.

“mm, i’m thinking no.”

“doesn’t matter! no take-backsies!”

tom sectioned off your hair, gently pulling on it to tease you. he patted the top of your head, causing you to glare at him. “see, all done. well, with the first part.”

he paused, “wait, how short did you want it?”

“do a couple inches. 4 at max. i don’t want you to cut off too much and have nothing left for my barber to fix.”

“yes ma’am,” he grinned, and you simply rolled your eyes.

“seriously, don’t mess this upppp!”

“i’m an actor, darling. not a hairdresser.”

“then why on earth did you beg me to let you do this?!”

“…because i thought i’d be funny? and it is! it’s hilarious and i haven’t even started yet!”

“i swear to god, i’m gonna shave your head off.”

“hair, you mean?”

“no. head.”

“you can’t touch my hair,” tom said, waving you off. “sony owns it.”

you pressed your lips together, frowning at his triumph. “sony can’t own your hair if you don’t have hair,” you retorted.

“yeah, yeah. don’t be such a worry wart, love. it’s fine,” he insisted.

“jeez. just cut it already.”

“okay, okay! don’t rush the artist,” tom muttered, “it’s actually quite painful, the amount of faith you have in me.”

“well, considering that you’re an actor and not a hairdresser, i think i have every right,” you grinned, playfully swatting him.

“hmm. well, you’ll be eating your own word once you see your hair! but just in case,” tom added quickly, “don’t quote me on that.”

“yeah, okay.”

he took scissors to your hairs, just barely hovering over.

“wait!” you interrupted, turning around to face him, and then yelping again when you saw that the metal object was barely a centimeter away from you.

“hey! careful!”

“you stabbed me!”

“w-what? it didn’t touch you!”

“it almost did! and then i would’ve had no eyes!”

“that wasn’t even my fault,” tommy argued back, “you’re the one who spun around that fast. also,” he mumbled, “you wouldn’t have lost both your eyes. …just one.”

“sabotage,” you hissed.

“what? where on earth are you getting this from?”

you sighed, shaking your head. “i knew you were a hitman.”

he slowly turned to face you, quizzical. “wha- who would pay me to kill you? and what would they get out of that?”

“i dunno. are you insinuating i have no worth?”

“no!”

you narrowed your eyes at him, “murderer,” you whispered harshly.

“oh, wow, you got me there. because that is what i was hired for.”

“that would make a great movie.”

“huh? a movie? girlfriend gets stabbed in one eye by boyfriend- even though it isn’t boyfriend’s fault -and plot twist; boyfriend is hitman?”

“yes. precisely.”

“okay buddy.”

“yeah. it’d be a total block-buster.”

“…of course it would be.”

“yep. wanna know why?”

“why?” tom asked, giving in.

“because spider-man’s in it.”

he tilted his head, confused.

“you! you’re the lead!”

“hmm. i would make a good boyfriend. i’d capture that role perfectly.”

“what? no. you’d be the girlfriend.”

“then who’d be the boyfriend?”

“downey. duh. how else would it be a total block-buster?”

“well, i think it’d be one because i’m in it.”

“yeah, but downey.”

“but holland.”

“mmmm… no. fine. maybe a bit. the girls are crazy for you.”

“like you?”

“i wouldn’t say crazy. maybe momentarily fazed, but even that’s far-fetched. i’d say you’re the one who’s crazy for me.”

“well, you aren’t mistaken,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek, which in turn made you giggle. “wait, why’d you stop me?”

“oh, right. because you have to get my hair wet first.”

“ohhh. wait, really?”

“generally speaking, have you ever gotten a haircut?”

“yes!”

“okay then. anyways, do it.”

“sure,” he finished the last bit of his tea, before rinsing it out.

“what are you doing? why are you washing the mug in the bathroom sink? i feel like this is a valid question.”

“because i’m not trying to get tea on you.”

“wait, i don’t get it.”

once second you were nice, content, and dry. (well, as content as you could be.)

and the next you were soaking wet.

you looked up at him, jaw dropping as you moved your wet hair to one side of your face. “you. did. not.”

“what? you said you needed the hair wet!”

“so you dumped a cup of tea on me?!”

“no, i dumped a mug of water on you that was originally filled with tea,” upon seeing your face, he tried to amend, “but, hey, at least… you’re wet?”

“no. i’m not. this wasn’t arousing.”

“that’s not what i meant!”

“there was a spray bottle under the sink!” at hearing your words, tom turned around and open the cupboard.

“oh, yeah. there is. isn’t that crazy?” he pulled it out and started to fill it.

“well, how’s it matter now?”

“i just want to be thorough,” he nodded, causing you to glare at him.

“sorry.”

“liar.”

“yes.”

“okay,” you sighed, “c’mon short-stack, let’s get this over with.”

“i’m taller than you,” tom deadpanned.

“i’m… relatively… average hight.”

he frowned at that, but you continued, “you, kid, are also relatively average height. for a woman.”

“hey! i’m also older than you!”

“okay,” you shrugged.

“don’t test me, i’ll shave off your head,” he threatened.

“you’d never.”

he dangled the scissors in front of you, a smirk on his face. “watch me.”

“god! just cut it already!”

“okay, okay. impatient much?”

and because you were working on your anger management, you didn’t sock him in the face. you really considered it, though.

he snipped at your hair, grinning. tommy made you close your eyes the entire time, claiming that it had to be a surprise. surprise.

“ta-da! all done!”

it… it wasn’t terrible. it sucked, but it could have been worse. obviously, though, you weren’t having it like that to tom’s premiere tonight.

you inhaled, grabbing him by the sides of his face.

“this, babes,” a pause, “is why you should stick to acting.”

“in my opinion, it’s not half bad.”

“no, no, it’s definitely more than half bad.”

“beggars can’t be choosers,” tom said, closing his eyes and crossing his arms.

“i don’t think that works in this scenario.”

“hater.”

“yeah, okay.” you turned to your phone, which buzzed beside you.

your mouth fell agape, and your eyes widened.

leo (hair person)

i know it’s short notice, but something came up. so sorry!

you looked him dead in the eye; “where’s the razor?”

[misguidedasgardian]

I need to (12)

... Have you

MASTERLIST

Summary: Your few first times with Cregan

Pairings: Cregan Stark x Fem!Reader 

Warnings: cursing, drinking, horny people, PDA, teasing, smut, a bit akward amut, it's their first time alright? haha, use of preservatives and discussions about birthcontrol, might miss some warnings, you know what this is about jeje, reader is a carnivour

Wordcount: 3.8 k

Notes: I was going to put this in warnings hahaha but I think, if you want, listen to “can’t keep my hands to myself”

“There is something I’ve wanted to try for a few weeks now”, you said lowly, your eyes sparkling, Cregan looked back at you with interest

“Oh yeah?”, he purred

“Yeah”, you sighed, passing on his coffee, he took a long sip, not breaking eye contact with you, as you did the same with your chocolate induced coffee

And then you locked lips

It was as delicious as you imagined, coffee, chocolate, cinnamon, Cregan… Mmmm

And then, you split when you heard Sara making retching noises

“You are going to give me diabetes with all this sweetness”, she mocked, while Jacaerys pretended to make himself sick by putting his index finger on his mouth

“Very funny”, mocked Cregan, finally turning to them

“I thought you were rooting for us”, you said, feigning to be offended

“Yes but this PDA is just getting out of hand”, muttered Sara

“So, where are you going on saturday?”, asked Jace

“It’s a surprise”, he said, placing an arm over your shoulders 

It’s been a week since the party, and you had been with Cregan every time you could after classes

You felt a like a little girl with her first crush

You were advancing slowly, tomorrow you were going on your first official date, and you couldn’t wait for it 

He was acting… more handsy, and you think he was expecting you to go back to his place after… and that got you a bit nervous

Sara immediately saw your change in attitude

“My gorgeous friend and I need to get to class” she said, standing from her seat and grabbing you, you didn’t complained, grab your coffee a last peck to Cregan and walked away with Sara

“What’s going on?”, she asked quickly

“Nothing”, you muttered

“Don’t lie”

“Nothing I just… think that Cregan would like for me to spend the night, and I’m so nervous”

“Don’t feel pressured”

“I won’t is just… the the only person I had sex with really did a work on me, I have only been with one person before, and I’m nervous”

“That is understandable”, she offered, “talk to him”

“I’m done talking, I want to show him how much I care and want him”

“Your chemistry is great, I’m sure you will be fine”, she assured you, “but don’t feel pressured” 

“I won’t”, you said

You were nervous, what if… you didn’t perform correctly? What if he didn’t? What if it was weird?

Aemond was your first, you were his first, you were really young, horny, and as his family sexually repressed him, you were really ignorant, and learned on the go, together… you were really… you wanted to try new things… Aemond… not so much

You didn’t want to compare, but… he was the only experience you had

It was quick, to quench your thirst as it were, not very personal even though you always felt strange, like he was using you to satisfy his needs and that’s it… 

You shouldn’t compare, but again, you weren’t, you just had… a very limited experience 

You had nothing to compare it to

You did not had classes at this hour, but you did had therapy, and it was a great opportunity to talk about this with her 

But with Cregan everything felt so right, so amazing and sweet, it was going to be fine

Your therapy session went great, and your therapist just advised you to “go with the flow” regarding the night, and well, other things that made complete sense

You could breathe a bit lighter and even though you just saw him this morning, you wanted to see Cregan again! 

What was up with you???

But you hold on a laugh, class was done for the week and you were ready for your date, but you also wanted to distract yourself, so you went back to your dorm with Sara’s and your’s favourite sandwiches and a soda

“Should I wait for you?”, Sara teased, you laughed nervously, as you finished applying your favourite shade of lipstick

After being all day worrying and being nervous, you decided to play to your strengths, you wore comfortable shoes and pants, but with your favourite, more fancy shirt, and nice accessories, and your favourite look in makeup and hair

Cregan already knew who you were, what you looked like, but you wanted him to be pleasantly surprised, besides, you used your favourite and most sexy lingerie… just in case

Just in case

Either way you felt more sexy like this 

“I’m outside”, ringed a text from Cregan, you shrieked

“He is here!”

“Go you idiot!”

“Wait, what are you going to do tonight?”

“Don’t go to your and Cregan’s date, that's for sure!”, she mocked

“Sorry alright…. See you!”

You ran down the stairs almost endangering yourself, and then… then you saw him, waiting for you, he wore a beautiful smile on his face, a nice dressing shirt, leather jacket, and slick jeans… he looked so handsome

You threw yourself in his arms and he laughed as he held you

“For you”, he said when he released you, giving you a simple and yet beautiful bouquet of flowers, with northerners' flowers. You kissed him softly

“They are beautiful”, you whispered

“Just like you”, he said back, you giggled

“Sooo cheezy”

“Shall we…? My lady?”, he asked pompous, offering you his arm, you laughed loudly, taking it

“Sure my loooord”

He directed you to the road that led to campus, and you gasped when you saw it, a classic car, a beautiful model and colour

“Cregan!”, you gasped

“It was my parent’s”, he said softly, “I only drive it in special occasions”, you gave him a bright smile

“This is so amazing Cregan”, he went ahead and opened the door for you, and you looked at him, standing like that waiting for you, you wanted to cry, you felt butterflies in your belly, you felt so happy and excited

You climbed into the car and he close the door for you to ran around the car and jump in

“So… where are we going?”. You asked him

“Do you like Yi-Ti food?”. You nodded enthusiastically. He smiled softly 

He drove flawlessly trough the city streets, it was a whole new perspective from the caar and you couldn’t stop watching outside the buildings and streets

And the place he took you to?

It was breathtaking

All designed in Yi-Ti fashion and colours, it was a real restaurant from that country, inspired food and decorations, the vibrant colours.

You ordered things to share, as you sat on a secluded spot, a small booth

“I want to know all about you”, he confused

“That is a lot”, you laughed

“Where did you spend your school years?”, he asked

“King’s Landing”, you answered, “there was a year in between which i lived in Casterly Rock, but it didn’t quite do it for me, so my godmother decided to move with me back to my home”, you said, “how about you?”

“Here, all my life”, he admitted

“Would you like to see more?”

“Of course”, he answered, “when I get off of college”

“That sounds like the time”, you were interrupted when they brought you the food, an assortment

You weren’t a big “sharer”, and that made you laugh, but you were willing to start, with Cregan, he seemed to read your mind, and laughed with you

“I will not share dessert”, you teased

“Great, me neither”, he said back, and you both laughed together

“Are you nervous?”, he asked softly, you shook your head

“A bit, yes”, you confessed

“You don’t have to be’, he said dismissively, he grabbed the chopsticks and took a piece of the food, looking straight at you, he fed you the piece and you ate it happily

And that made you shake, you felt goosebumps all over your arms

“Let me”, you tried, and you picked a piece and fed him with it

“Are you still nervous?”, he teased

“No”, you answered truthfully 

It was such an intimate gesture… but it felt so right

You were seated on a booth but decided to sit only in one side of it 

And you talked, all night

He couldn’t drink, because he was driving, and you wanted to sympathise, even though you felt like one drink could ease your nerves, but somehow, being sober only made you feel things more clearly

As he spoke about the things he enjoyed, and how his eyes sparkled, you realised you felt nervous over nothing, you were so ready to be with him 

By the time the desserts arrived, you realised that what he ordered looked even better than what you ordered

“Yours looks better”, he mumbled

“Alright maybe I’m willing to change my rule”, you relented, you were the first to steal a bit of his desert, and he laughed and stole one piece of yours

It was a great date, not only because of the electricity running between the two of you, but because he was the perfect gentleman, he got you, in a sense, you enjoyed the same things but different, you like the same genres of music, but different bands, you liked the same sports, but different teams, you liked the same topics in books, but somehow different, and that was so entertaining.

And as soon as you got in the car, alone, more intimate, you started kissing again, more passionately, heatedly, you were desperate for him, and he was desperate for you 

“Want me to take you home?”, he asked, his pupils were blown out, his skin was heated… yours was too

“Can we go to yours?”, you asked him, and he smiled, like he was relieved

“Yes, yes please”, you laughed, he drove fairly quickly back to his apartment building

You were touching all the way up to his floor, his hand on your, or in your lower back to guide you, you even sneaked a hand in his pocket

You were so ready

When the elevator dinged you almost jumped off of it

You were holding hands, a complicent look on your faces, heated cheeks when you both reached the door to his palace. 

You were ready, you were wanting, you wanted to climb your Cregan like he was a tree, yes, let’s do it

He opened the door to the apartment, and…

For fucks sake

It was a freaking party happening

The apartment was swarmed with people

“What is this?”, asked Cregan, the place was small, so in the midst of all of them appeared Jace

“Sorry, I just… I hung out with the boys of the team and they wanted to keep it going…”

“So you offered our place?”, asked Cregan, he looked back at you and your horrified face, but you tried to smile

“It’s alright”, you said softly, Jace leaned in and whispered into Cregan

“I thought that you were going to take her home”, he whispered, “in your chivalrous crap”

“I thought so too”, Cregan whispered back, he turned and looked at you

“You can still stay”, he said softly. You didn't want to leave… you wanted to be with Cregan, although the prospect of a romantic first time/night with him was far from happening, you still wanted to stay a bit longer

“Sure” 

There were mainly boys, but they inviting their girlfriends, and girl friends, Sara wasn’t here and you wondered why

“I need to take care of something”, he whispered huskily, and you only giggled, “but then we can have a drink”, the prospect of being alone inside a place with people you didn’t know didn’t appealed to you, you smirked

“Want some help?”, you asked, Cregan’s eyes shined mischievously

“Really?”, he asked, smirking

“Let’s go”, you whispered, he smiled widely, taking your hand

“I know this is not as romantic as I have planned”

“It's fine”, you said simply, “parties do make me a bit horny if I had to admit”, you shared looks before he opened the door to his room

You both screamed when you saw two figures on his bed, at you coming inside, one of them, the one that was on top, rolled off, getting off of the other, who turned out to be…

“Get the fuck off my bed Robb!”, growled Cregan, you had never seen him so angry before

“Calm down little cousin”, he mocked

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, he asked, “get out!”, his fly was down, you looked away

“Relax, we were just having some fun”, he said dismissively 

“Go to your house then”, he said, Robb stood up from the bed, shamesly fixing his pants while his “date”, rushed pass you both

“Sorry”, she lamented

“Oh I’m sorry, I thought that you were out…”, he said mockingly, he carried himself like he was the owner of the world, he then turned to you, “Did I interrupted something?”, he asked

“That is none of your business”, he said

“You deserve better than this”, he said, looking at you with a smile

“Like a trashy room in a trashy house?”, you asked, mocking him, “this is just fine”, you said back, defending Cregan, who was a tidy, organised, responsible guy… seemed like

“Whatever, I hope I didn't ruin anything”. He said mockingly, walking away. You both shared looks, and then to the bed in disarray

You sighed, even though you didn’t have them, you felt blue-balled 

Cregan did as well

“Sorry, I’m not… sleeping in there”, he said

“Yeah, me neither”, you giggled, you then looked at him, “let’s go to my dorm”, you offered, “Sara is there, but, we can sleep”

“I’d love that”

You walked back to campus, and when you entered the room, Cregan took his dress shirt, revealing his simple shirt underneath

You both got inside the sheets, you in a cotton shirt and pants, and him in his underwear and shirt. You didn’t feel nervous, you had slept together before, but not like this, Cregan’s bed was bigger than yours… so… 

“This isn’t the romantic evening I had in mind”, he whispered, you giggled

“It’s fine”, you whisper back in the dark

“Can I hug you?”, the bed was small, and you were somehow trying to avoid touching each other 

“Please”, you said back, he did, he held you in his arms and you felt him, all of him

Sara was sleeping next to you, you were not going to do anything, but it felt so sweet, holding each other like that 

Sunday rolled around and Cregan left before Sara even woke up, she was a heavy sleeper

When she did woke up and saw you sleeping right next to her, she whined

“No!”

“Hells, good morning to you too”, you mocked

“Why are you here?”, she asked

“Because last night we try to go to his, but there was a party going on and Robb was getting blown on Cregan’s room”, you resumed

“THAT FUCKER”

“Cock-blocker”, you corrected, “do you think that he did it on purpose?”, you asked back

“Yes”, she said sincerely, “he is a evil mastermind”

“What do we do?”, you asked, she whined

“I’ll get Jace out of there tonight, you just go and jump him”

“Great”

You knew for a fact that Cregan was staying home tonight, it was Sunday after all 

So as the day rolled around, and the sun was hiding on the horizon, you ran to the tavern, and order a big, big set of ribs, and a six pack of beer, and you went gingerly to Cregan’s place, to surprise him

You knew that Jace wasn’t there, so when Cregan opened the door, he smiled widely

“It’s you”

“It’s me”, you teased, and only then, when you were seeing each other for the seventh day in the week, you felt self conscious, “is it too much?”, you asked, raising your hand with the ribs

“Never”, he answered, “because I was about to ask you to come”

“Really?”, you asked, as he let you pass

“Yes, because I had something fixed…”, you left the wings in the table of the dining room, and then he grabbed your hand and took you to his room

You gasped when you saw he had purchased a new set of sheets, a bed cover, and pillow cases

“I also did this”, he said, pointing at the door knob where you saw a new lock installed

“Cregan”, you whispered, he leaned in and kissed your cheek

“New relationship, deserves new sheets, right?”, he asked, “I don’t know why my cousin is giving us a hard time, but… this is my home, and I want it to be our safe space”

“I want that too”, you said

“Great, and i’m starving”, he teased

“Let’s eat”, you said, so happy, you opened the beers, you sat on the couch and while you watched a movie, you ate the best ribs

“So this counts as a second date, right?”, he asked

“Of course, wouldn’t like you thinking I’m so easy”, you laughed

“Never”, he said 

You kept watching the movie after you finished the ribs, you tried to concentrate but you felt Cregan’s gaze on you, his heavy, heavy gaze, you looked at him with a smile on your face

“What?”, you laughed

“You have a bit of sauce”, he whispered huskily

“I’m a messy eater”, he leaned in kissed you on your cheek, and then, he licked the corner of your lips, you let out a soft moan, it wasn’t at all pleasurable, but it was sort of herotic

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you” he confessed

“Lucky us, now you can do it everytime you like”, you teased

Your lips finally collided in a heated, wet, messy kiss

“We should wash our hands and mouths”, you muttered when he abandoned yours

“Fuck it”, it was needy, it tasted like BBQ Sauce and beer, and somehow, it was so pleasurable, “I don’t want to assume, but… do you want to…?”

“Take me to your room”, you begged 

“Oh great”, you stood up, not caring how, you felt like you were levitating, you barely left each other's bodies and stumbled towards his room at the end of the hallway

When finally the door close behind you, he started undressing you, first your top and then his

“Can I undress you?”, he asked

“Yes!”, you teased, you took of your shoes as he did his, and then his big, soft hands went to the button of your jeans, undoing it

This wasn’t the time to feel self-conscious, you were all in, and so was him, you felt like you didn’t have to worry about such things with him.

You felt to the bed, only in your underwear

“Are you sure?”, he asked again, abandoning your mouth to drop open mouthed kisses in your jaw and then neck

“Yes please, have me!”, you begged him 

Maybe you were rushing it, you have known him since like three months, and been relatively dating for a week, but you didn’t care, not anymore

You felt his hand sneaking to your back, and he undid your bra, getting rid of it swiftly

It was so different, all of it

“You are so fucking gorgeous”, he whispered, leaning in and kissing one of your breasts

You moaned, feeling electric 

“So fucking delicious”

“Cregan”, your hand were everywhere you could reach with him, his face, shoulders sides, until you reached to the edge of his boxers

“Wait one sec”, he said, and quickly jumped out of the bed and ran out, you shrieked, covering yourself, you felt his feet padding away, and quickly back

“Sorry, I wanted to buy, then then i didn’t want to assume”, you laughed when you saw that he stole a condom from Jace

“Please get back here!”, you demanded, covering your breasts

“Sorry”, he jumped back in, directly into your arms, and his mouth founds yours

You felt a bit brave, and you touched him until you found.

You moaned, it was… big, you smiled widely at his mouth

“Oh you liked that, didn’t you?”, he teased

“Mhm”, you hummed, he in turn, reached your centre, gently, slowly, over your panties, and only that had you buckling your hips against his hand

“Fuck Cregan, I need you”, you begged, touching his cock until you felt him twitch under your fingers

“Yeah”, he moaned.

You took off each other’s last piece of clothing, it was dark, so you didn’t get to see him. 

You spread your legs for him, finally feeling how wet you were, you wanted him so badly 

He put on his condom, and accommodated himself between your legs. He kissed you hungrily, tenderly, as he entered you slowly, it fit inside so perfectly, it had you both moaning and panting 

“You feel s good around me”, he confessed against your mouth, your mind was elsewhere, only being able to whisper his name, like a prayer 

He retrieved himself only to snap his hips back into you, making you moan loudly

“Wait wait wait”, you called, Cregan looked down at you, stopping his movements, “could be go slow?”, you asked him

“You want to stop?”, he asked, concerned 

“No, no”, you released a sigh, smiling warmly, “I just… want to enjoy it, slowly”, he smiled leaning in and kissing you

“I got you”, he whispered sweetly. He held you as he made love to you, his hips snapping at your centre, sensually, slowly, you could feel every inch, every ridge and vein of his cock as he thrusted into you

You let out the most delicious and delicate sounds as you hugged him against you caressing his shoulders, arms, sides, as he cradled your face

“Look at me”, he begged sweetly, and you did

This wasn’t fucking, this was more slow, more intimate, you were connecting in the most primal and beautiful of ways. His eyes looked down to yours, his beautiful eyes.

He leaned in and kissed you as he fucked you

You never thought it could felt like this

Your climax washed over you like a tidal wave, unexpected, and it felt so so good

“Fuck”, Cregan could feel it, “you are squeezing me darling, did you cum? You are such a good girl”, his praising only made you ride out your own orgasm for longer, moaning wantonly. You hugged his hips with yours legs, drawing him even more into you, your hands on his hips, “oh that’s it, guide me, I’m yours”, he murmured against your mouth

You didn’t want this to end.

But Cregan couldn’t hold it any longer either, he cummed with a grunt, hiding his face in your neck, hugging you tightly against him

You stayed there, regaining your breaths, holding each other.

That had been so… 

So…

“Fucking amazing”, he whispered, kissing where he had his mouth, “are you alright?”, he asked sweetly

“Cregan?”, you called

“Yes?”, he leaned back, looking down into your eyes 

“That was incredible”, you said with a wide smile , he kissed you tenderly

“I’m never letting you go”, he whispered caressing your face, “you are so perfect”

“You are the perfect one”, you whispered, with a last kiss, he sealed the night, before you got inside the sheets and slept holding each other

taglist!

@mxtokko @princesssterek @thefandomimagines @iamavailablesstuff @misspascalpunk @sweethoneyblossom1 @ipostwhtifeel @lunamoonbby @ahristata @watercolorskyy @yazzzmints @n4tforlife @littleshadow17 @alexa4040 @speedyballoonpainter @hc-geralt-23 @rayrayredpanda @eralen @yentroucnagol @valeskafics @iloveallmyboys @schadenfreude-and-sarcasm @ttkttt @aleemendoza2425-blog @drwstarkeyy @casualfansoul @urmomsgirlfriend1 @bruher @@toms-cherry-trees @happinessinthebeing

[kodydrs]

Sunflower Juice - Sabo

a/n: title has nothing to do with the story. sabo just reminds me of Sunflowers. I am incredibly out of practice when it comes to writing smut, and the ending is lowkey shit bc i kept reading it in my ex’s voice 😭

ib: this prompt from Portgas.D•Xiao’s on on Chai. “sabo just finished drinking with his friend, after he drank some alcoholic water he started to get drunk, then he wanted to go to his room and he saw you in the hallway And he started coming closer to you and hug you from behind.

warnings : fxm, sabo x fem reader, mdni, drunk sex, slight oral (f. recieving), vaginal fingering, p in v, hickies, (a lot of) pet names, you dated ace b4 his d3ath, reader is still kinda grieving ace’s death, she’s a bipolar abt her emotions as i am (it’s not funny guys, i’m actually bipolar), no use of y/n, not proofread, i’m bad at tagging

You flinch at the sudden attack.

‘ahh!’

It takes you a minute to realise who has just latched themselves onto you.

‘oh Sabo. it’s just you.’

You’d known Sabo for a little while. Ever since Ace’s death, you’d travelled with Luffy and the Straw Hats, and you’d met Sabo along the way. You wouldn’t say you’re exactly the closest of friends, but you both respected each other. But you did you best to keep a healthy distance because damn did he remind you of Ace.

‘Yeah. It’s just me. What are you doing here?’ You're not supposed to be alone right now.’ You felt his grip tightens around your waist slightly as he looks down at you. ‘Are you okay? Do you need anything?’

You turn to face him, confusion obvious on your face. But upon breathing in, you can smell the alcohol on his breath.

‘Sabo. Are you drunk?’ It’s more of a rhetorical question. It’s clear from how thick his breath feels. He wobbles a little to really upkeep the act.

‘Mmmm. Yeah. Maybe just a little bit.’ He pauses. ‘But I’m drunk with you so it’s fine.’

You go to say something to him, but you stop, deeming it useless.

‘Let’s just get you back to your room.’

He grumbles, audibly in decline of your offer.

‘But I don’t wanna go back to my room. I wanna spend more time with you.’

You can feel his arms trying to pull you closer to him like you aren’t already pressed tightly to him. He seems to give up on his efforts by resting his head on your neck and you can again smell the alcohol, reminding you of his drunk state. You groan.

Your plan for the night had been to hang out with Namu & Robin, but Nami got swept away by the Straw Hats stupid chef and Robin got distracted by Chopper's constant tangents. This left you sitting alone at a table with nothing but your thoughts. Your thoughts about how lonely you’d become since joining the Straw Hats. Now all you wanted to do was get to bed and sleep.

‘Sabo. Can you please just go to your room? I’m not in the mood for socialising right now.’ He pouts, nuzzling against your skin.

‘Don’t leave me all alone out here, please.’ He grabs your hands gently and place them on your stomach, holding them there. With a final long sigh, you give up.

‘Fine.’ He lets out a happy chuckle and spins you around, kissing you deeply on the lips for a few seconds before pulling away.

‘Yay!!’ He shrieks. He leans forward and hugs you tight once more, squeezing you so hard you can barely breathe.

You stand frozen in time, stunned by his actions.

‘S-Sabo??!’ He looks down at you with a confused look.

‘Yes. What is it? Are you hurt? Did I do somethi-‘ You cut him off by smashing your lips together, grasping his face tightly. He responds back with equal force and passion. Before you know it, his hands are everywhere. They’re gripping your hair, holding you hips, pressed to your spine.

You pull away, gasping for air. Letting it set in, you touch your lips. ‘Holy fuck.’ You think. ‘I just kissed my boyfriends brother.’

He looks down at you, not processing what the situation they’re really in is.

‘Hey. Why’d you stop? What’s wrong?’ You should protest, but you’re honestly too pent up to care right now.

‘Ah fuck it.’ Without resistance, you grabbed him by the collar and dragged him down the hallway to his room. You locked the door behind you and pinned him to it, crashing you lips back against each others.

The way you're kissing him makes him forget everything else around them. All he wants right now is to make love to you.

‘Oh god.’ He moans softly while wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing himself harder against you. You hum at his hand placement, getting intoxicated on the taste of his lips. He’s been drinking sunflower juice. His abdomen tensed as you ran your fingers along the divots in his abs. His excitement is evident in the way his hips bucked against you and you fail to push backs grin, grinding against his pelvis.

‘I want you so badly.’ He whispers in your ear.

‘Then take me.’ He pulls back, smug face as he looks down at you.

‘Yeah?’

Your voice is breathy and sweet, filled with the sudden need to be touched you’ve so desperately missed.

‘…yeah.’ He smirks mischievously and leans forward, placing one hand behind your neck and pulling you close enough that your noses touch.

‘Tell me what you want baby.’ He growls lowly into your ear, not breaking eye contact even though he's drunk as hell. Your mouth gapes at how hot he sounds right now.

‘oh fuck’ You whisper. ‘I want you to touch me, Sabo.’

With a sly smile on his lips, he brings his hand down and runs it down your arm, stopping at your hand and interlocking your fingers with his. He then brings your joined hands up to his chest, where he kisses them both.

‘Any particular way?’

Your voice is sickeningly sweet, and your words drip like honey.

‘Like you want me.’

His eyes light up in hunger and he once again slides his hand down to your hip, feeling every curve of your body.

‘Like I want ya, huh?’ He leans in to you, gently pressing his lips against your neck. ‘I’m sure that can be arranged.’ He takes your wrists and wraps them around his neck before hoisting you up like you weight nothing so your thighs also wrap around him. You pepper his neck with kisses as he brings you over to his bed and lays you down, straddling your hips.

You gasp as you watch him strip off his shirt and coat, revealing the chiselled abdomen you’d been tracing earlier. He laughs at your reaction before leaning back down and reconnecting your lips. Your hands move to his hair, tugging at the base of his scalp. He doesn’t break the kiss as he lifts your shirt to reveal your perk breasts. Instead, he runs his tongue along your teeth and sucks on your lower lip, basking in the heat radiating from your bodies. It’s driving him crazy.

He kisses down your neck into the valley between your breasts, massaging them gently. Your hands continue to tug at his hair, soft whimpers going straight to his dick.

You groan as he continues his journey down your stomach to the waistband of your pants, where he stops and looks up at you for approval.

‘Please.’ He grin. You nod. ‘Alright then.’ He slowly pulls them down, revealing your soaked panties.

‘So pretty.’ He cooes, kissing dangerously close to your core. He shimmies you out of your pants and then pushes aside your panties, tracing teasing circles around your clit with this tongue. Your thighs instinctively try to close around his head, but he pins them apart, not letting them interrupt his meal.

‘Be a good girl, baby. Good girls get good things.’ You can feel yourself melt under his touch. You’re embarrassed from how easily your legs are shaking due to being so touch starved, but you can’t really focus on that right now.

Your back arches as 2 fingers are inserted into your cunt, stretching you. And it takes everything to not cum right there and then.

‘You alright there, babygirl?’ Sabo laughs, hooking an arm around your thigh and nipping at the skin. You squeeze your eyes shut and nod, breathing deeply.

‘I just haven’t had sex in a while.’

‘We’ll take it slow. I wanna make this last.’ Slowly, his fingers pump in and out, letting you ease around them while he continues to kiss and nibble on your thighs, leaving little pink and purple marks that you’ll find in the morning. After a few minutes, he adds a third digit, watching your expression to make sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. Your heads tilted to the side and you make eye contact, the lustful gaze drawing you in. He smiles and kissed back up your body to your neck.

‘Are you ready for me? Or do you wanna wait a little longer?’ You wrap your arms back around his neck, pulling him down into a chaste kiss.

‘I’m ready.’ You whisper, pressing your foreheads together. ‘But please don’t be harsh.’

He nods and kisses you deep but slowly as he pulls his fingers from your cunt. You hear the rustle of clothes from him removing his pants and boxers before feeling his tip graze your entrance.

‘Do you want a countdown?’ He teases, grinning at his own joke. You smile, hitting his shoulder and murmuring a quiet “asshole”. He slowly pushes himself past your entrance to your warm insides, revealing in the intense heat.

‘Shit.’ He curses against your lips. ‘Damn, you feel amazing.’ You try to reply, but all that comes out is a moan. ‘Are you ok? Can I move?’

You hum, already leaving scratches on his back from blunt nails. He carefully starts to move, burying himself deeper with each thrust and it drives you insane. It isn’t long before you feel your stomach twist into knots.

‘S-Sabo… gonna cum.’ You whimper, nuzzling into his neck.

‘Already, baby? Can you hold on for a little so we can do it together?’ He gets a babble for a reply, mixed with a harsh kiss to his jaw. ‘Good girl. You’re taking me so well, baby.’ He brings one hand to your face, gently stroking your face. He touch is comforting, and you feel him pick up his pace so you get to finish as soon as you want.

‘Fuck.’ He mumbled under his breath. ‘Shit. Do you want me to pull out or no?’

‘I-I don’t mind. Whichever you prefer.’ You babble. He nods.

‘I’ll come inside then, if that’s ok with you.’

A hum seals you fate as you feel yourself tip over the edge, quickly followed by feeling your insides filled to the brim. Your back arches at a ridiculous angle, pressing your chests together. Sabo rails you through your orgasm until you're a choked-up, panting mess. Not that he’s any different. He pulls out with a grunt and flops next to you, taking a minute to collect his breath before he stands to grab something to clean you both up.

In the few minutes you’re left alone, you want to cry. The way his touch felt on you felt so familiar and so comfortable, and the knowledge it was all caused by a drunk haze made you wanna cry. Tears collected on your lower lashes as you did your best not to let them spill.

‘Hey.’ Sabo cooes, leaning down beside you while he cleans up your legs. ‘What’s wrong, hun? Why are you crying?’

You shake your head, covering your face.

‘I’m not. It’s nothing. It’s just-‘ You stop, looking away from his gaze. ‘I miss him like freaking crazy, Sabo.’

The blond smiles, putting aside his cleaning supplies and lying next to you.

‘Same. Everyday.’ For a moment, it feels as if this isn’t a drunk conversation, but instead 2 people bonding through grief. You roll so you’re facing him, forehead pressed against his chest. ‘But I do wanna be able to protect you like he did.’

One of his hands strokes your hair gently, carefully tugging out any tangles. You’ve stopped crying, just listening to the quiet thump of your heartbeats.

‘Sabo?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I wanna learn to love you, the same way I loved him.’

A soft hum comes from above you and you feel his lips press against your temple. His arms wrap around you gently, keeping you warm.

‘Ok.’

©kodydrs

all rights and reserves are copyright to kodydrs on tumblr. this material is not to be copied or translated

[timetoletmyimaginationfly]

You’re Not So Bad

Nanami Kento x Reader

(Song: Little Bit by Lykke Li)

The day is beautiful. All the sorcerers were outside either training, studying, or hanging out. You were training Nobara and Maki. Nobara was taking her break while you had a combat with Maki.

“You’re making me proud, Maki!” you exclaimed happily as you dodged her attacks. Maki continued her stunt, but you counteracted her. “Break time!” Maki groaned and sat down on the ground.

“Sensei! Sensei!” Nobara called. You drank your water as you walked towards her.

“Yes?” Her eyes glanced to the right. You looked over and saw Nanami and Gojo walking. “Nobara, your break’s over.”

“But I have five minutes left! You’re just heated because of Nanami-san.”

“At least he’s not an idiot unlike Gojo sensei,” Maki commented and took a quick glance with her eyes. “He’s looking at you, sensei.” They watched your cheeks turn a slight pink and the girls couldn’t help but smirk.

“Come on, sensei. What’s holding you back?” Nobara asked. You crossed your arms.

“Because he looks like the type of guy who thinks he’s better than everyone. Mister. Stoic. He seems so uptight too. Probably mean,” you said.

“Uhhh have you even interacted with him?” Nobara asked.

“Nope.” Nobara and Maki looked at each with a sweat-drop look. “I’m cutting the training short. I promise to give you two another training session soon.”

“Uh, o-okay!” Nobara said. Maki just sighed and sat down. The two girls started talking until they heard Gojo calling for them. They looked up and Nobara waved at her sensei.

“Why’d she leave?” Gojo asked. Nobara and Maki looked at each other then back at Gojo and then shrugged.

“Nanami-san, are you okay?” Nobara asked. Nanami was looking far ahead behind the two girls, watching your figure leave the area.

“Yeah,” he answered. “It’s like she hates me.”

“So you did see her look at you and walk away,” Maki said. Nanami nodded, fixing the glasses on his face.

“Funny how she says she hates you but blushes when you’re mentioned,” Nobara said.

“Oooh what about me?” Gojo asked.

“You weren’t even mentioned,” Maki said as she crossed her arms. “As if she would like someone like you.”

“Ouch, that hurts,” he dramatically said, clenching on to his chest.

“She blushed?” Nanami asked curiously with a raised eye brow. Nobara nodded.

“It was cute. Maki-san, wanna get some food?” Maki nodded.

“Do-Do you know where she went?” Nanami asked before the two girls left. Maki shrugged her shoulders and looked at Nobara.

“Mmmm probably with Ieiri-san,” she answered. “Or the library.”

“Thank you,” Nanami said and went ahead. Gojo watched him with a smile.

“Does Nanami-san like her too?” Gojo smiled. With that question, his long unanswered question about your feelings towards Nanami has been answered.

“I KNEW SHE DID!” Gojo exclaimed. “But, I think so.”

Nanami saw Shoko alone. She told him to head to the library if he was looking for you. Nanami thanked her and rushed to the library. He was relieved to see you reading. He could tell you were pretending to not notice him.

“For some reason you hate me. I want to know your reasons,” he said. He watched your head turn to hide your face. He slightly smirked at your flushed cheeks. When you glanced at him and saw the smirk, it started irritating you.

“See?! That’s why,” you said. “You have that arrogant look to you. You got that ‘I’m better than everyone’ type of vibe.” Nanami raised an eyebrow.

“You sure you aren’t talking about Gojo-san?”

“I’m sure.” Nanami chuckled. He pulled out the chair in front of you and sat down, his legs crossed and right arm leaning on the back of the chair.

“I’m the total opposite of Gojo-san.”

“You don’t seem like it. Being a little too playful right now. I can hear it in your tone.” Nanami chuckled again, leaning forward against the table.

“You make it easy to be playful around,” he said. “And it says a lot for me. Because I like looking like an arrogant stoic, asshole.” You blushed. You remember calling him that to yourself a couple of weeks ago.

“You’re too observant,” you mumbled.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said.

“Hey, I’m not your sweetheart or anything,” you said as you crossed your arms and legs.

“Says the one with the blushing face,” he said. “I think I know what I need to do now.” Nanami stood up and pushed the chair back in. “But to be honest, I don’t know what came over me. But, I’m glad I got the chance to converse with you like this. I’ll see you later, sweetheart.” You blushed again as you watch Nanami leave the library.

Nanami closed the door and leaned back against it. He took a couple of deep breaths while placing his hand on his beating chest. ‘I can’t believe I spoke to her like that,’ he thought. He thought of so many ways to approach and say to you. He could think of different conversational scenarios but not this one.

He knew that you weren’t a big fan of him which only hindered him. And after hearing you call him an arrogant stoic asshole, Nanami really wanted you to know him. Knowing that you blush because of him gave him a boost of confidence. And with the way you act around him, he couldn’t help but remain playful-like to you.

You watched Nanami open doors for you, pull out your chairs, and make sure you’re in the inside of the sidewalk when you two are together.

“Are you…Do you…” you paused. You wanted to spend some time in the city and go shopping. You didn’t feel like being by yourself and the only one who is free is Nanami. “I’m going to the city.” Nanami smiled and nodded. He walked side by side with you, doing every gentleman act towards you.

“What’s the plan?” he asked curiously.

“I just want to shop.” You looked around the shops and Nanami observed. He watched you go towards certain items, paid attention to the details they have to have a clue on what you’re interested in. You pulled out a beige colored sweater dress with a loose turtle neck.

“That would look beautiful on you,” he said. You blushed.

“You think so?” you asked.

“Try it on,” he said and looked around. He walked over to the stacks of belts and pulled out a brown one. “Here, wear this if it’s baggy on you. And…” He found matching leg warmers. “I think this would go well. You have boots at home right?” You were speechless.

“I—okay.”

Everyday you were proven wrong about Nanami. And you can admit, you definitely don’t hate him. He’s not an arrogant asshole. But the stoic comment remains. But you hate how he makes you feel flustered all the time.

“Here,” he said as he handed you a small bag as he put a small piece of paper in his pocket.

“What is it?” you asked curiously while looking inside the bag. You found a golden chain bracelet. ��Oh that’s cute. You didn’t have to buy me this.”

“I didn’t mind it,” he replied, his voice a little quieter.

“Can you help me put it on?” Nanami nodded and you handed him the bracelet. He unclasped the bracelet and wrapped it around your wrist, clasping it shut. “Th-Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said. “Give me your bags.” Before you could answer, he took the three large shopping bags from your hands. “Do you want dinner?”

“I’m not opposed to it,” you said. Nanami reached for your hand. He waited for your resistance but when you held his hand tighter, he intertwined his fingers with yours, leading you to an all you can bbq restaurant. “Can we stop at the bookstore?”

“Of course.”

“And you’re going to walk me home.”

“I wasn’t going to let you walk home alone.” You couldn’t help but let a smile out. Nanami flipped the meat on the grill. “Fine. I take back what I said and think about you. You’re just stoic.” Nanami lightly laughed. “You’re a gentleman and very sweet. Too sweet probably.”

“Sweet enough to take you out on an official date soon?”

“This weekend.”

“Yes, sweetheart.” You couldn’t help but smile at your new favorite nickname.

[stxrmylxve]

Can’t Keep My Eyes Off of You

A/N: not me literally forgetting about this i suck omg anyways this is for the sundress szn collab being held by @saintshiba ! 🫶

Synopsis: With you walking around all day in your pretty little sundress, it’s near impossible for Draken to fight the urge to bend you over.

WC:

PAIRING: Draken x fem!reader

WARNINGS: unprotected sex, oral (fem!receiving), minor cussing, uhhh i think that’s it? lmk if i missed any!

“Draken, baby! Look at my new dress!” you exclaim, running into the living room and standing proudly in front of his view to the tv.

He nearly choked on his drink as he took in the dress; they way it hugged your curves perfectly, sending a strong warmth right down to his member.

He awkwardly coughed to cover up his apparent mistake as he held up a thumbs up, “Looks great on ya’. Where did you get something like that without me?”

“Haha, very funny. I shop on my own sometimes you know.” you deadpan, giving a good little twirl with a giggle slipping past your lips.

“I know it’s probably a bit step up from what I usually wear. But.. do you like it?” you ask sheepishly, sitting down next to him on the couch as you anxiously bit the inside of your cheek.

He drew in a sharp breath as he took note of how the dress adorned your thighs, the plush going perfectly with the cotton material.

“I said you looked great, didn’t I?” he says with a teasing grin as his hand snaked up to your thigh, rubbing soothing circles. You whines impatiently as you took his hand into your own, catching him off guard as he glanced over at you.

“I want you to show me you like it, I don’t care about petty words!” you exclaim, hiding your face in his chest as his mouth became agape.

“..You want me to show you, huh?” he thinks aloud, laughing whenever you hesitantly shake your head.

“Well then, my pretty girl,” he says as he slides off of the couch and onto the chilly floor below, “how about I show you right now how much I love this dress on you?”

His flips the edge of your dress up, a glint of surprise passing through his eyes as he takes note of the lack of panties. He grinned as he saw the faint sheen of your juices already beginning to form, proving that you were just as eager as he was.

His finger flicked your bud, your back arching into the couch as you let out a strained whine. His eyes flicked up to your own as he snickered, his hand gripping your thigh roughly to throw them over his shoulders as he delved into your heat.

His tongue lapped at your folds, eliciting a loud moan from you that he wished he would have videoed to save for later. Your hands flew to his head as you gently tugged his hair, his groan sending impossibly more pleasure to your core.

“Since I’m not that mean, I won’t fuck ya’ now, we will just settle for this. Don’t want your dress getting messed up now, do we?” he coes as your teary eyes glance down at him, your breath catching in your throat as you notice the slick on his chin being lapped up by his tongue.

“Y’er so vulgar..” you say as you lean back into the couch with a sigh, squeaking as he blows on your clit in annoyance.

“Am not. I’m enjoying my meal, that’s all.” he replies, dragging a finger from your bud down to your quivering cunt, grinning as you whine impatiently from the slowness.

“Mmmm… should we fuck now? I wasn’t planning on right now since I have a meeting soon… but I don’t wanna’ leave all of this alone r’now.” he asks nonchalantly, glancing at the time as he gets up anyways and unbuckles his belt.

“Go to your meeting and we can after-“

You squeal as he yanks you to the other side of the couch, laying you down as he pumps him length a few times. His lips pursed at your response, rolling his eyes as he laughed.

“We both know that you need me to fuck ya’ right now. It’s not like your fingers will do tha’ same my dick will once I leave.” he says, smearing the pre around your hole before slipping the tip in, inhaling sharply from the snug fit.

“God.. so fuckin’ tight, gonna’ snap my dick in half, bub.” he laughs, hooking his arms below your legs to hoist them up over his shoulders again. While lifting you up, his full length accidentally shoves itself inside, your eyes going wide as tears picked the corners of your eyes.

“S’deep- ryu!” you blab out, your nails pressing crescents into his wrists as you battled to take his length. The calloused pad of his thumb comes up to rub small circles on your clit as he slowly thrusts into you, his tip kissing your cervix as you let out a small whine.

“Deep, huh? I mean,- oh my- you’re tight as hell.” he gasps as you clamp down on him, almost falling over the edge just from that.

Though you loved the praise, you didn’t fully hear it as you yourself tumbled over the edge, your mouth forming a small ‘o’ as your back arched off the couch. His grip tightened to a bruising level as he continued to fuck you through your high, staggering out for a few more seconds before painting your insides white.

Small pants echoed through the room as you eventually giggled to yourself, wiping a sheen of sweat off of your forehead.

“Someone might think we’re fucking with all of the moaning going on,” you say, listening to the faint rustling from the apartment next door.

[ice-ice-lizzie]

Translation of the Thomas Bordeleau interview on episode 329 of the Sans Restriction podcast hosted by Kevin Raphael. Bold text was originally in English and translator's notes are in brackets. Additional notes are at the end.

Host: Tommy B on the podcast. Tommy B, do you have a new tattoo?

Thom: Mmmm. No. No. Not so far.

Host: It's the same? I haven’t seen [unintelligible].

Thom: (shows him the tattoos on his shoulder)

Host: Okay, ehhhhh.

Thom: I’ve got ‘Bordeleau’ like that (shows tattoo on his bicep) and ‘Bordeleau’ over here as well (shows tattoo on the back of his arm).

Host: Ohhhh. Ohhhhh. It’s like La Valle*. How’s it going Big Dog? Happy to see you, happy to see you, man. How’ve you been spending the summer? You’ve been training here [in Montreal]?

Thom: I’m doing alright. I haven’t seen you too often lately.

[both talking at the same time]

Host: We should go to L'Alliance. I have tickets. I have tickets for L’Alliance.

Thom: Yes, yes.

[both talking at the same time again]

Thom: But ummm, no, it’s going well. Just taking a break and then training. Our season ended early in (he pauses to think) mid-April?

Host: Yo. That’s on paper. (Laughing) Your season ended in mid-February. 

Thom: Exactly. Yeah, unfortunately. [Making playoffs] was not in reach that early in the season, but, uh, no, it is what it is. I took a month off.

Host: What did you do? When you were in San Jose and the season ended, you guys had your meetings or whatever the next day I guess?

Thom: Mmm yeah. On the next day maybe, or to give it some time, two or three days later.

Host: So you take care of business and then you come here?

Thom: They can ship your equipment.

Host: Oh! They ship your equipment?

Thom: It’s the teams who do it. It depends on the equipment manager and what they want. We’re lucky. But uhh I ship my car and I keep my equipment in my car so it doesn’t really matter.

Host: So you put your gear in your car and you send it all in a boat?

Thom: No, it’s just on a truck that drives it across country.

Host: Shit, Quebec is [unintelligible] man.

Thom: It’s expensive. Really expensive.

Host: Oh yeah? It’s bad eh?

Thom: It’s a little insane. Having two cars might be worth it. It’s a shit show shipping everything across the continent.

Host: Because you ship everything before [the season] and after [the season]?

Thom: Yeah. Now the team helps but at the beginning, (giggling) at the beginning I did it all.

Host: What’s the thing, that right now, you know, there’s the team, but did you ever think to yourself did I really pay for all of that at the beginning, for real man?

Thom: Oh

Host: There’s plenty of things in this job that I have to do myself, there’s a lot. There’s a lot.

Thom: Sometimes, just for simple things, like food or supplements anyways, like [unintelligible] for nothing. It’s funny I was talking to my dad and he said ‘when you’re playing everyone wants to give you everything for free but you don’t appreciate it until after your career is over because that’s when you need the paid promotions but no one wants to give them to you.

Host: My method is to buy clothes that I like, but after I put them on, I take a photo, or someone takes a photo, it’s on Instagram, put it on Instagram stories, and it’s like yo Kev’s wearing these clothes.

[both taking at the same time]

Thom: For free.

Host: I’m like I ain’t no bitch. Send the goods!

[both talking at the same time]

Thom: It helps to wear the clothing that they give you. Shout out Elwood. They sent me-

Host: Who?

Thom: Elwood.

Host: Where are they from?

Thom: L.A. It’s a brand from L.A. They’re good.

Host: Shout out. (looking into the camera) Yo Elwood! (looking back at Thom) Elwood?

Thom: (laughing) Elwood.

Host: (looking into the camera) Elwood L.A. Yo yo yooooooo. Sans Restrictions podcast needs some Elwood. 

Thom: Thanks guys.

Host: Tommy B needs some Elwood.

Both: (laughter)

Host: Ok, so the season ends and you come here but you’re not on vacation.

Tom: Yeah, I had to stay here for a bit because my grandmother has health problems that made it so we needed to stay here with her and my grandfather, then three weeks after we came here, we took a little trip to South Carolina to golf. It was nice. Incredible temperatures.

Host: It’s only me who can say ‘that shit white.' [Host is black]

Tom: Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Real white.

Host: South Carolina, bro? Like the people there are called Corwin. There’s no Mustafas, there’s no-

Tom: Yeah, there’s not a lot.

Host: There’s like ‘John’

Tom: (snorts) Richard.

Host: Richard. Paul.

[both giggling too much to say anything]

Host: But how’s the golfing down there?

Thom: Insane.

Host: You’ve seen my swing, man?

Thom: On the ice, we’d call it a slapshot, but that’s- that’s not-

Host: It goes straight.

Thom: Yeah, yeah it goes straight.

Host: I can still hear the sound of it-

Thom: But it can actually go too far. It can go too far.

[both talking at the same time]

Host: What’s your [furthest distance]**?

Thom: Not too far. 250? 300?

Host: That’s a lot. That’s a lot. What’s your problem?

Thom: Well, you’re right. I [unintelligible] yesterday. At the tournament, I mean not tournament, at the Benjamin Saint Just Foundation ummmm yeah. They did 400 for the longest drive of the day.

Host: You’re shitting me. This guy is fucking with us. Josh, we invite him on the podcast and he’s fucking with us a little. It’s laughable, Josh. Ok. So the season ends and you’re training how many times a week?

Thom: Everyday.

Host: Every day on the ice?

Tom: No, everyday in the gym. On the ice at the beginning, two times a week, later in the summer three, four, five times a week.

Host: Then how… The season is long. Bro, I listened to the games. I looked for you. 

Thom: (laughing through his nose)

Host: Shit, it’s long bro. How is it so long?

Thom: The hardest game of my life was the one that was 10 to 1 against the Oilers at the end of the year. 

Host: It was 10 to 1?

Thom: It was bad in every sense of the word. They were just getting through us all over the place.

Host: Oh shit.

[Both laugh]

Host: Ok admit it, admit it, it was 7 to 1 there, and-

Thom: No, but it was 4-0 after like five minutes and we were like oh my god.

Host: How does that happen? 4-0 after five minutes.

Thom: Well, we had a lot, we had a lot of our players who weren’t playing.

Host: Bro, 4-0 after five minutes is classic but [something I can’t make out about comedians in the NHL]

Thom: Yeah, It was tough. It was tough. A tough game. I think that-

Host: When it got to 9 to 1, was there any chatter on the bench? 

Thom: Well, no.

Thom: Well, no.

Host: Was anyone talking?

Thom: No. We were trying to do something. We were trying to play well. We were trying. The worst thing, I think, was, if I can remember, I think I’m right, but I think, it was 9-1 at the end of the second.

Host: Impossible.

Thom: Or maybe the beginning of the third, because I remember there was a good moment at the end of the game where we didn’t score but, like, we could have had, we could have had it.

Host: Bro. Did you ever have a game this shitty at Michigan or..? (trails off laughing)

Thom: Yeah… I’m sure. I’m sure. It’s tough. You don’t want to get into the habit of losing. You don’t want to develop that kind of mindset. I’ve never had that mindset. Each loss really pisses me off***. It happened so often, but it’s hard to develop an ‘ok, onto the next day’ mindset when it really pisses you off, when you want to win.

Host: At least this year they played you more.

Thom: Yeah, they used me a lot at the end of the year. I really, I found my game in the NHL. I found the optimal place for me, how I see the game, how I think about the game. It clicked.

Host: What was your favorite moment from this year? Not necessarily a goal but like was there a moment there that made you go nice?

Thom: Damn. Umm there’s a lot. Well, at the beginning of the year when we took our team trip to Napa, when I made the team after camp, after I made the team at the beginning of the year, then we took the team trip to Napa. It was my first team trip in the NHL. It was fun. I found it really fun. Ummm, then another moment, another good moment, it was really nice. it was one of those games where I scored twice.

Host: ‘One of’ (laughing).

Thom: No, but it was against Chicago and it was really nice because it was rare this year. It was tough for the fans because of how often we lost and even at the end of the year they showed up. It was really packed. It was a nice feeling, especially at home.

Host: Tell me about the Connor Bedard effect. You’ve played two games against him, right?

Thom: Yeah, two games.

Host: So what’s it like, the Connor Bedard effect?

Thom: It’s crazy. Everyone is already a fan. He’s like the next big thing****, he started with fans, like he already has a fan base. I guess everyone is talking about him, even the journalists.

Host: So, when you see him you want to give him [unintelligible but he does a hand motion like a punch].

Thom: (laughing) No, well, we have lots of friends in common.

Host: You have friends in common? 

Thom: Kent Johnson, who I played with in Michigan.

Host: Ohhhh, true. So you’ve already seen him.

Thom: We’ve crossed paths at NHLPA events and things like that.

Host: There’s going to be rumors, you know. They’re going to say ‘Yo, Tommy B is boys with CB’.

Thom: (laughing) No, no, we’re not boys. 

Host: No, but do you have boys, besides Kent Johnson, that play with you guys, that you play against in the NHL? You know, a lot of the time in basketball you play against someone a little and there’s a respect that develops and he becomes your boy, right?

Thom: Yeahhh, uh, not lately, just because I was moving up and down between the AHL and the NHL.

Host: You were up more than you were down this year, right?

Thom: I didn’t play badly, but I did play more down than I did up. I spent a little over half the season down [in the AHL]. They brought me up just before the deadline. [Unintelligible] playing with all these teams like that. In the AHL, the players, the roster changes so often. It’s really the guys from Quebec that stick together. 

Host: Do you talk to each other very often on the ice?

Thom: Yeah, sometimes. It depends on how you know each other, but there’s even times when you know each other really well but you won’t talk on the ice, just before or after.

Host: In San Jose, you’re the Barracudas?

Thom: Yeah, Barracuda. Yeah. It’s a really good place for the AHL. A new arena, a new dressing room. Listen, for me, the jerseys are good quality, everything is beautiful.

Host: Did you keep a jersey? Did you keep a Barracuda jersey?

Thom: I have a couple, I think.

Host: So you went to Napa, and you also played in the opening game.

Thom: It was a good moment, the opening game. 

Host: They said your name!

Thom: It was nice. My first opening game in the NHL. It was really cool.

Host: What do you say, [unintelligible] up in the NHL?

Thom: Uhhhh yes. Yes, but it’s just… It was the first time that I really did that up in the NHL and I want to appreciate it as much as possible.

Host: Were you able to sleep before the opening game?

Thom: Yeah, yeah I had a nap, yeah. Each game day I take a nap. We had a morning skate that morning, after that I went back to our house. I made myself eat. A lot of the time I’ll do normatec^, like I do a lot of things for my legs, just for recovery things for my legs, then I make myself eat. Just pasta all the time before I go to sleep.

Host: The same thing?

Thom: Bolognese. All the time.

Host: All the time?

Thom: Spaghetti Bolognese.

Host: You eat that before going to sleep, bro? That’s the sort of thing my coach told me never to do in gym class. Here comes Kev, you’re already a fat fu-

Thom: It’s a forty minute nap. 

Host: A forty minute nap?! [He says something about 20 minutes that I can't make out because they're talking over each other]

Thom: Quick, quick, quick. 45 is perfect for me.

Host: Now we know the demands of the NHL. Pasta and then sleep!

Thom: No, but everyone sleeps before they eat. Everyone has a pre-game meal in the NHL. I’ve done it ever since I came to the NHL.

Host: Oh, yeah?

Thom: Like, the pre-game meal is at one in the afternoon, two in the afternoon. You eat, you take your nap, you have a snack.

Host: Do you have a place far away from the arena or are you close?

Thom: Close. Just beside it. I live downtown. Right there in the middle of it. 

Host: Are there guys who stay there because they live too far away?

Thom: Where? At the arena?

Host: Yeah.

Thom: Oh, no, no. Morning skate is over at ten in the morning and we don’t have to be there for the game until 4:35.

Host: So your favorite game was the first game, but you had two goals against Chicago and then who else?

Thom: Ottawa.

Host: Ohhh, but Ottawa… [trails off with the implication that he thinks that Ottawa won the game].

Thom: Oh but us (starts laughing).

Host: (laughing harder) 

Thom: Like, we really played well that game, like we were good in that one^^.

[talking over each other]

Host: My guy said ‘us’. (lots of laughing) What song would you choose to put over your goal highlights when you put them on insta reels?

Thom: Damn. Right now-

Host: Not Like Us, by Kendrick Lamar. Yes!

Thom: (laughs) One of Wun.

Host: What’s that, One of Wun?

Thom: From Gunna’s new album.

Host: Oh.

Thom: Mmm-hm.

Host: Oh, yeah?

Thom: Mm-hm.

Host: Okay. That’s not North Carolina. [I think he’s trying to reference earlier when they were talking about South Carolina].

Thom: Nope. Not at all. Not at all. It’s far away.

Host: (mimes playing a banjo) Dinga-linga-a-ling, dinga-ling-a-long. Banjo! 

[both giggling]

Host: So, do you celly? When you-

Thom: I could but no. I don’t really do a big celly.

Host: You do the- (badly mimes the heart breaker celly)

Thom: Not really, no.

Host: Who does that one?

Thom: Kane.

Host: Ohh, it’s Patrick Kane who does it.

Thom: Yeah, the heart breaker (mimes the heart breaker celly very small).

Host: Yeah. Ohhhh, you know the name?

Thom: Yeah, you make the heart and then you break it after. (mimes the heart breaker celly).

Host: It’s a heart, bro?

Thom: Heart breaker. (mimes the heart breaker celly).

Host: I thought he was swimming!

Thom: No, no, no, no.

Host: I swear to you, no one knows that.

Thom: Well, that’s what it is. The celly is called the heart breaker.

Host: That’s a team USA thing.

Thom: Everyone who plays hockey knows about it.

Host: (to the producer) Bro, did you know about that? No one knows that it’s called the heart breaker.

Thom: Wow.

Host: We’re going to put that on tiktok. Who knew it was the heart breaker? What’s your favorite celly?

Thom: The heart breaker is beautiful. I’ve never done it but I think it’s great. When someone does it, it’s hockey. But it’s Kane who came up with it.

Host: Oh, he came up with it?

Thom: [He says something about Kane and showtime that I cannot make out]

Host: I like it when you jump. When you jump in your cellies, it’s nice. It makes for good photos. But do you guys celly after every goal?

Thom: A lot of the time I lift up one leg or go to my knees.

Host: Ok, that’s a celly. When someone scores and doesn’t even raise their arms, I’m like, man why don’t you, it’s fucking difficult in the NHL.

Thom: Yeah. Sometimes I do that, but it also depends on the goal and the game.

Host: Even if it’s 10 to 1-

Thom: I guarantee you when Edmonton was beating us 6 to 0 and we scored, I did not celebrate much.

Host: Ok. Are you satisfied with your season? What’s your evaluation? Your first real season.

Thom: My second. For the first one, I spent the majority of the year in the AHL. That was my first real pro season. 

Host: So it’s your third year?

Thom: My second full year. My second year that I finished. So I burned that first year when I signed after Michigan and played some NHL games and then after summer.

Host: Oh, it was games at the end of the year.

Thom: Yeah. Games at the end of the year.

(Both laugh)

Thom: Prime time! Prime time!

(they toast with their mugs)

Host: [He says something in English but I can not understand him] (pointing at Thom) He has good people giving him advice! He burned a game!

Thom: No, well, when you sign your contract after you’re 20 and you play a game in the NHL you burn a year.

Host: Mmmm.

Thom: But if you sign before you’re twenty, it’s ten games.

Host: Oh, so you did ten games.

Thom: No, for me it was one game.

Host: Yo, that’s crazy bro. I need your agent in my life, man.

Thom: Pat Brisson. Shout out.

Host: Yo, shout out Pat. Okay, there are lots of comedians who listen. Do you have some advice for them, because I have a problem with you. You, you’re so chill until the third period and then you go crazy. You go crazy! If there’s only 5 minutes left, we’re still sitting on the bench because we can’t play without you. What advice do you have, not for me, because I have a good shot like Antony Duclair, but if you had one piece of advice to give, what would it be?

Thom: Find… umm… the spot on the bench that’s the most comfortable.

Host: (shocked laughter) WOW.

Thom: I’m sorry. (big laughter)

Host: WOW. You there on the ice, such trash talk.

Thom: No no no. (laughing)

Host: It’s impossible. It’s impossible that you don’t trash talk. First of all at Michigan, you trash talked.

Thom: Oh totally.

(both laughing)

Host: Ok. Ok there. We’ve got to be PG, but what is your best trash talk? Your best PG trash talk?

Thom: The best trash talk was our student section at Michigan. They’d look for the families of the players, and they’d get their pictures and social media, ex girlfriends, tinder profiles, all of that.

Host: Shit. You dodged the question by saying that.

Thom: (laughter)

Host: It’s good, it’s good, it’s good. You’re nasty, man.

Thom: PR trained.

Host: You’re nasty. That’s how- no one was talking about it when you came into the league. You explained that it’s not a big deal, but after that, after three years, how do you manage the PR and all of that?

Thom: Uh, well for me, I’ve been lucky with my agent, Pat Brisson. The year before the draft, he had a camp in L.A. We did a practice draft. He made us watch a practice about the news about new supplements and then someone caused a concussion and at the same time-

Host: I caused a concussion..

Thom: (laughs) And at the same time there was an actor from Grown Ups-

Host: Oh yeah?

Thom: -who did our PR training about how to like, show your personality, without putting yourself in a bad spot. He prepared us really well. And then there was a little bit about how to do social media.

Host: It’s not a big deal but that’s not what Jean Sebastian [Dea] said. [Jean-Sebastian Dea's NHL contract was terminated shortly after he appeared on the Sans Restrictions podcast].

[both laughing]

Thom: No comment.

Host: I’m the only one that’s going to lose his job after this podcast. (laughing) Oh man. Okay. It’s true [unintelligible] after the podcast.

Thom: I don’t know about that, but I’ll be surprised if that’s what happens.

Host: Bro, man, [Jean-Sebastian Dea] texted, bro bro [Dea] goes all out for the podcast, okay? Then me, each time I feel like going all out-

Thom: Did you fact check it?

[I’m omitting like three sentences here that make no sense to me]

Host: He came on the podcast.

Thom: He came on the podcast at Christmas?

Host: No at the end of the year. The end of the year. Anyways, he said things, bro. I said what am I going to do with you, man. I said to Bruno [the producer], can we do that? Is that something we can put out? And he said yeah, we can put that out, so I did it and he lost his job. I felt so bad. They said terminated or whatever. I felt bad. I panicked. I texted him, not at the beginning, I texted him two days later, I said yo, my bad, man, he said no, it is what it is, I wanted it. I wanted to sign with the KHL. I said Man, fuck this mother fucker, man. I couldn’t sleep!

Thom: I felt bad!

Host: I couldn’t sleep, bro! But he comes on the pod all the time. He’s welcome to go all out on the pod, the Russians don’t blink, you can say whatever you want^^^. Ok, so what’s been the hardest thing for you right now during your transition from your first year as a pro to your second year? What was the hardest thing, apart from losing 10 to 1?

Thom: Getting sent down to the AHL in my second year.

Host: Oof.

Thom: Yeah, that felt bad.

Host: Did they call you? (mimes putting a phone up to his ear)

Thom: No, it was- At training camp, I made the team, and then I played, mm (he’s counting in his head) eight games? Nine games?

Host: But that went well, didn’t it?

Thom: Personally, I thought it did, but we went zero for ten in the first ten games.

Host: (giggling).

Thom: Something had to give. But you know, obviously, I was the youngest on the team, besides Eklund. And it was me, then Eklund. They wanted me to go back to the AHL. They called me on a road trip that was like seven games, which is a long time to be on the road. We went from California to Florida with stops in Nashville, the Hurricanes, all that. We were on game seven of the road trip and there was a rest day after game six, but before the morning of game seven, at the hotel, the GM called me and came and met me in the lobby. I’d been in the middle of taking a walk, because when we stay in Washington, it’s really beautiful in Georgetown, like around the Four Seasons. It’s really cute. So I was taking a walk, and I was like 15 minutes away from the hotel and he called me and I turned right around and I had a 15 minute walk back and I called my dad because I was sure they were going to send me down. They had just scratched me the game before. I played like 6 games, then I was scratched, then they put me back in the line up for two games, then my last game in the NHL before they sent me down, I remember it was against the Tampa Bay Lightning, we lost, like 8-0. We were more dominated than the game where we lost 10-1. It was horrible. I can’t remember anything except for one zone exit. I think that for me, that was a traumatic NHL game.

Host: He was traumatized!

Thom: One of the things that made me like that, [the zone exit] didn’t bother me until they sent me down.

Host: But that’s crazy, you didn’t have a chance-

Thom: Oh, no, no. Not at all, they tried things-

Host: But that’s not what you told yourself because, for me-

Thom: There was nothing to do, I was just trying to grind it out.

Host: I coach soccer. When the other team drives the ball to us there’s a moment where someone gotta do something.

Thom: Yeah, but…

Host: Hey. Hey.

Thom: But we didn’t necessarily have the tools to-

Host: There wasn’t someone to do something. 

Thom: We had Hertl, who did everything for us, but-

Host: Yeah, yeah, but he was all alone.

Thom: Yeah, and Couture was injured the entire season. He had a rough year, unfortunately. He came back for seven games. The seven best games for the Sharks by far. He’s a big piece.

Host: His impact is crazy.

Thom: He’s incredible, a great guy. The best dude ever. He’s really [unintelligible] you can’t replace him. He’s just there to help. He’s like another coach. If you have a question about anything you can ask him and he’ll answer you. He’s my go to when I have a question about anything, it’s him that I ask. He gives me an answer every time with pleasure. He really comes in clutch.

Host: Ok. You lost 8 to 0 and you were at the Four Seasons…

Thom: Yeah, 8-0 and we were at the Four Seasons, I took my walk and they called me, and when I got back then they started talking to me, and I said I think I know where this is going, eh they said unfortunately-

Host: That’s how they welcomed you?

Thom: Well, you know. I didn’t want… I didn’t want… There were other, really good players in the NHL, it’s a tough league. I didn’t want to seem like I had a bad attitude especially because I wanted them to call me back up as fast as possible. Just like, I wanted to play in the AHL and play good minutes, the power play, 5 on 5, and I did that, and when they called me back up to the NHL I wasn’t sent down again because at the end of the season I was playing my best hockey.

Host: And how did they announce that you were being called up again?

Thom: My AHL coach called me and told me, yeah you’ve been called up, you’ll practice with the others tomorrow.

Host: Ok, but talk to me about how it felt! When you were sent down you went from taking the jet to taking the bus.

Thom: Yeah. Yeah.

Host: What takes 2 hours in the NHL takes 12 hours in the AHL.

Thom: Exactly, yeah. It wasn’t that bad but my back did hurt.

Host: So they called you and told you you’re going back to the NHL. How did you react?

Thom: Ah. I was miserable because it was late at night and I just wanted to go back to bed, so I was miserable, but then they told me and I was really excited. And then I didn’t want to go back to bed because I, like, wanted to enjoy it as much as possible before going to bed because I knew as soon as I woke up in the morning it would be like boom business, so I went to bed trying to savor it.

Host: (pretending he’s Thom) Yay! They called me up! [unintelligible]

Thom: Yeah. You switch to a different mode. You enjoy each day. I spent a lot of time with the boys, all of them, even the older guys. It was good to see them again.

Host: So how does like, you’re the smallest one there, right?

Thom: Mmm hmm.

Host: You play like (gestures and makes zooming noise). I have season tickets for the Rocket [the Canadiens AHL affiliate]. Jesus Christ, those guys don’t look where they’re going. I said to Jean-Phillipe Vautier at the celebrity game when he landed a big hit on me, you saw that?

Thom: No.

Host: When he hit me?

Thom: Oh yeah, I think I did see that.

Host: He laid me out, I was like disrespect.

Thom: Me, I’m lucky. I have a guy called Bokondji Imama who changed division.

Host: Oh! You played with Boko?

Thom: Well, I played against him in the AHL.

Host: You played against Boko? Toughhhhh. Was Boko still there when you got sent back down?

Thom: (laughing) Oh, Boko, he’s my boy.

Host: he said, ohh, Boko he doesn’t fuck with me.

Thom: I hope. [unintelligible because he’s laughing so hard]

Host: I know that Boko switches.

Thom: Oh yeah, you see it. Alright, I remember looking for someone else and then, next thing you know, he’s suspended for three games. Damn. Boko’s a different beast.

Host: The toughest guy that I’ve ever met is Boko Imama.

Thom: He skates really fast, he’s the whole package. Shout out Boko Imama.

Host: I saw him at a Rockets game and he was punching guys. Everyone was like eh I’m good. He was pulling on their jerseys like this (pulls the collar of his shirt away from his body). I’m good, I’m good. You’ve never fought, right? You’ve never dropped gloves?

Thom: Me? No, never. I’ve never fought.

Host: You don’t have the taste for it? What’s the closest you’ve ever been to fighting?

Thom: Ah, uhh, there was a moment in the AHL during a back to back where I threw a punch but I didn’t finish it.

Host: It’s what you’ve got to do. I don’t want you to fight because it’s dangerous. (Looks to the camera, pointing) [unintelligible] you ain’t doing this shit. (back to Thom) But you’re capable and say you’re on a team and everyone is squaring off with someone, ok?

Thom: (barely holding back laughter)

Host: Do you look for the smallest guy? Do you scan the crowd or is it really-

Thom: It’s really- It’s the closest guy and if the closest guy is the biggest, you’re like fuck. If the closest guy is the biggest one I just try to keep- I just try to-

Host: What do you guys say to each other when you’re squaring off like that? Like, yo, We’re not the same weight class. You’re heavyweight, I’m lightweight. Do you say, 'it’s not my problem, it’s not your problem, we good? We good'.

Thom: A lot of the time, a lot of the time it’s like that, except for when the other guy did something cheap.

Host: Right, except for that.

Thom: Then there’s no choice. But like if a guy comes out of the penalty box, for something like a back check [laughing too much for me to understand him] (makes a fist and mimes punching someone)

Host: I have a concussion guys! Zach Patterson gave me a concussion. Ok ok. So the AHL, is it, I won’t say easier because there are people who don’t give full respect to the league, but-

Thom: It’s harder.

Host: Yeah. Oh It’s harder, eh? A guy like you has a good way of seeing things. You have good hands. Do you feel like you have more of a place in the NHL than the AHL?

Thom: A little. In a sense, yes just because there’s more finesse in the NHL. In the AHL I’m not a playmaker, I don’t decide games, whatever. There’s less control, it’s just less of a league, but at the same time, there’s enough skills guys on each team, it’s a very good league, but it’s a war every game. Fist after fist.

[someone off screen says something]

Host: You won’t watch AHL games?

Thom: It’s scary.

Host: Oh yeah, it’s more scary.

Thom: Yeah.

Host: Even when I watch the boys play, I text them during the game. (points towards the camera) Yo, by the way, if you play professionally, and you text me back while you’re playing you are a vagabond, ok? 

Thom: Yeah that’s weird.

Host: Yo there are so many guys. Yeah! You don’t do that in San Jose?

Thom: No.

Host: You better not.

Thom: (laughter) Put your phone away for the whole period.

Host: I won’t say who it was. I’m not going to snitch, but there was a guy who was texting me for two periods, who is in the NHL, during a very important game. I was working and then I saw a text from him and I was like, are you insane? And then he stopped responding. Do you get on your phone [during a game]?

Thom: No, but there are guys who listen to music on their phone, but no one is like texting (mimes holding a phone in front of him). Maybe sometimes there’s a guy who’s checked out of the game because he wants to text someone.

Host: Oh, huh. Are you going to go to Michigan?

Thom: No, but I went back at the end of last summer. It was really nice to skate with them, they’re a good group to skate with. I’m going to go back before the end of the year.

Host: But you’re not going for a game, for a presentation or anything like that?

Thom: No. No. Michigan, the regionals are in Saint Louis.

Host: Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Thom: We won against North Dakota.

Host: You won a national championship, right?

Thom: No.

[talking over each other- I can't make out what they're saying]

Thom: We lost the frozen four. Yeah. Tough game. One and done man. Tough game. All our season for one game, man.

Host: With all the talent you guys had?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: When you went back to the room and looked around you at all the talent-

Thom: Yeah.

Host: -did you say the fuck happened?

Thom: There were a lot of things expressed in that dressing room by the players there, unfortunately.

[both laughing]

Host: Yes! This is just for me. This is my overtime. What are you watching at the moment to relax?

Thom: I started-

Host: Rookie?

Thom: Alice in Borderland.

Host: What’s that?

Thom: (asking someone off screen) It’s what, Chinese? It’s like, like the same type of thing as Squid Games, but different.

Host: Would you do the Squid Games?

Thom: No, are you insane? It’s too much up to chance.

Host: But the game show version, would you do that?

Thom: Oh, the fake one? Oh yeah, well sure, I would do that. Will there be a Squid Games Quebec?

Host: Don’t give them the idea, man. They’re always looking for ideas. They have 100 USD hidden, what game do you think, without a team, which game could you do?

Thom: I’m trying to remember what the games were.

Host: There’s marbles, the one where you lick a cookie, there’s the, uhh, ice that you have to jump.

Thom: For me, I think the cookie one, or the first one where you have to turn around.

Host: Oh yeah.

Thom: It’s easy.

Host: Really, the cookie one?

Thom: Yeah, the cookie one.

Host: You’re not meticulous enough for that bro.

Thom: I’ll manage.

[both laughing. The host stands up and doubles over]

Thom: I have a wet mouth.

[both laughing more]

Host: Wooo. The podcast is almost over. The podcast is over, huh? Oh shit. I try to talk about business, because that’s what the podcast is for, but I also try to discover the person.

[Both of them laughing too hard to talk]

Host: You can’t make this shit up.

Thom: (takes a sip of water)

Host: I’m trying to reflect. I’m in a wedding, ok? (starts laughing again because Thom looks at him) Hold on, I’m trying to tell you. I’m in a wedding, and it’s all the same people together, and I’m in their wedding and at their wedding they have so many hockey players and I didn’t really know what was happening in the conversation but they explained to me, you know do your thing. Come on, Kev, do your thing, and after that I had 20 pros who were coaching me. Bro.

Thom: Like uncles.

Host: Best moment of my life. Best moment of my life. So I took their advice, you understand? It was theoretical, it was practical, right?

Thom: Yes.

Host: I did my thing, bro.

Thom: So you’re a pro now, or?

Host: No, no, no. My lady and me. She did my thing, bro. It was totally crazy. I woke up and I went to hide in the bathroom, and I texted my people like ‘yo, that worked!’

Thom: No way.

Host: Bro, since that day, bro, my game is at another level bro.

[both laughing]

[both talking over one another]

Host: (pointing at someone offscreen) You go out there (pointing at the door) and I’ll tell you (looking at Thom) something after.

Thom: Okay, okay.

Host: Okay, to finish, if they made a movie out of your life, what type of movie would it be? A romantic comedy, a thriller, what type of movie would it be and who would play you?

Thom: Damn.

Host: And don’t say Tom Holland, you’re too beefy for Tom Holland.

Thom: I don’t know, Tom Holland is pretty beefy.

Host: He goes to the gym?

Thom: Yeah, have you seen him?

Host: Tom Holland does not go to the gym.

Thom: He goes in Spiderman.

Host: Bro, that’s the wish version of Spiderman.

Thom: [unintelligible] Spiderman.

Host: Tobey McGuire is Spiderman bro. What are you talking about? I watched Endgame.

Thom: I have a special love for Tony Stark. I don’t know why, because Spiderman [unintelligible] Tony Stark.

Host: Really, Tony Stark?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: Really?

Thom: Yeah. Iron Man is just a different breed, different aura.

Host: Iron Man’s a little bit of a bitch.

Thom: You think so?

Host: Out of all the superheroes he’s the least powerful.

Thom: The least powerful?!

Host: Bro, he’s a robot.

Thom: But at the end- did you watch the movies? It’s because of him that everything works out! 

Host: It might be because of him that everything works out but-

Thom: The technology is insane. Insane.

Host: Alright, moving on.

Thom: He was able to beat Hulk.

Host: Hulk? Hulk isn’t that strong by himself.

Thom: Iron Man isn’t in the same division as the ones that can change reality-

Host: Oh those are whack, those are whack, man, Dr. Strange is a bitch, the day he’s not happy with the way things are he fucks off. The best one is Black Panther.

Thom: Dope. Dope.

Host: Wakanda! My king!

Thom: (into the camera) RIP. RIP.

Host: Ok so who would play you in the movie?

Thom: What type of movie?

Host: Clearly it would be a superhero movie.

Thom: Oh well, maybe. [unintelligible]

Host: [laughing too much for me to understand him]. Ok, so who would play you?

Thom: Who would play me? Uh, I like…

Host: (pointing at someone off screen) Help him.

Thom: The guy that played Harvey Spector, but like in a comedy movie.

Host: Harvey?

Thom: Harvey Spector.

Host: That guy is like 45.

Thom: You want someone that’s my age?

Host: Oh no, but I didn’t expect to hear ‘Harvey Spector’.

Thom: Okay but I don’t know actors that are my age. I think, in the world, like-

Host: Harvey Spector could work.

Thom: Yeah, I think for an adult me.

Host: Like a future you?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: And what would the title of your book be?

Thom: The title of my book? Damn. 

Host: I wrote a book, you know.

Thom: Oh really?

Host: I wrote a real book.

Thom: Nice. Is it good?

Host: This book is insane.

Thom: What’s it about?

Host: I can’t say.

Thom: Oh, so it’s not out yet. I’m sure I would have seen it otherwise. You made me think I missed it.

Host: Have you seen the Stanley Cup?

Thom: Seen?

Host: Yeah.

Thom: In my life, I think, yes? But I was young. As for my book, I’d call it bwater^^^^.

Host: bwater?

Thom: (holds up his glass of water) Bwater.

Host: Be water?

Thom: Be water. 

Host: Why?

Thom: Adapt. Change form according to your container.

Host: That’s fucking nice. Bwater I like that.

Thom: With a little b-

Host: Like a type of water? That’s great.

Thom: Marketing.

Host: Marketing, yo bwater. That’s a classic, you take off your jersey and underneath (he mimes opening up his shirt) bwater. Okay, last thing. Why are you wearing that hat? Are you a 49’ers fan?

Thom: Yeah, in San Francisco, San Jose-

Host: But are you a fan of the team?

Thom: Of course. I went to two games this year.

Host: A fan of the team for real?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: Y’all like to lose, huh?

Thom:  (laughter) It was a strong year for them.

Host: A strong year?

Thom: We’re doing good over here.

Host: You had two super bowls but you’re not in the Stanley Cup finals, you understand, so what are your extension requirements.

Thom: I remember we watched [the Superbowl] live in a restaurant as a team. We watched the TV like (leans forward and stares, eyes wide) what’s happening. I didn’t come back after they lost like that. But shout out to their insane season.

Host: Have you already told the guys on the team?

Thom: I haven’t said anything. I’ve seen Deebo [Samuel] at a shopping mall.

Host: You just crossed paths?

Thom: Yeah. He had shopping bags. He was with someone else.

Host: Did you say ‘What’s up’ to Deebo?

Thom: No, I didn’t say ‘What’s up’ to Deebo at that time. He was on a mission.

Host: In and out. (Laughter). I pass through that neighborhood sometimes.

Thom: Oh really?

Host: There’s [an In-N-Out Burger] in Montreal, did you know?

Thom: Is it uptown?

Host: No, it’s like, on Mansfield. There’s one over there.

Thom: But, no. The guys on the 49’ers I don’t know where they live, because the stadium is ten minutes from San Jose. It’s not in San Fransisco. 

Host: I don’t know where the guys are, but the stadium is insane, for example-

Thom: The stadium is sick but it’s ten minutes from San Jose, so it’s 35 minutes from San Francisco, you know?

Host: Have you had any other encounters with celebrities during the season?

Thom: During the season? Who have I met… (thinking)

Host: You don’t have a lot of celebrities in San Jose.

Thom: Uhhh, no we don’t have a lot in San Jose. At times at games we’ve had a couple.

Host: [something about Montreal]

Thom: We only come to Montreal once a year.

Host: Oh poor guy.

Thom: We come in the night before a game, maybe like 1 am and after we play, we leave.

Host: Tommy B?

Thom: Yo.

Host: Thanks a lot for coming on the pod. Do your thing. Off season. There’s no reason to work too hard.

Thom: Yes sir.

Host: Don’t say anything (turning towards the camera) PAY THE MAN.

Thom: (giggles)

Host: PAY. THE. MAN. Put the cash in his account! That’s all I’m asking! Lots and lots of cash! Alright. Pay the man.

Thom: Help your employee.

Host: (laughter) Help your employee. I said not to say anything and you say ‘help your employee’. [unintelligible] the poor thing. Shit.

Notes: *I'm not sure what La Valle is, or if I'm spelling it right. **I'm not sure how to translate this because I'm not familiar with golf terminology in English. ***The french phrase I’m translating as ‘pisses me off’ literally translates to ‘makes me shit myself’. Just a little french lesson for you guys. ****Thom said ‘le nouveau Kid’ like referencing Sid the Kid but translating it to ‘the new kid’ has different connotations in English than it did in French. ^a type of compression therapy ^^The score of the game that Thom is talking about was San Jose 2, Ottawa 1. Thom scored both of San Jose’s goals. ^^^The host is probably unaware but Dea’s KHL contract had already been terminated by the airing of this podcast. ^^^^This is probably a pun. L’eau is the French word for water, like in Bordeleau.

[daonedaonlyskh]

Can I get a fall right into me?

🎀 Apollo

Fall Right Into Me

Cabin: Apollo, #7

Emoji: 🎀

A/N: thank you so much for requesting! This is gonna be kinda silly headcanons, but I kinda like it, and I hope you do too!

☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹

this cabin totally has had a whole “croquette core” phase

they just started putting bows on everything

why? Either because it looks nice or because it’s funny

they will figure out how to put bows in your hair

it does not matter if you have long hair, short hair, a buzz cut, or even no hair. They will just tape one on your head if necessary

if they get in a prank war one of their moves will be to “croquette-ify” the opposing cabin

I and think that’s funny

gets so widespread that Apollo hears about it and decides to come down to CHB to see what’s up

IMMEDIATELY hops on the hype train with his children

“children i need to ask a favor. Croquette-ify me.”

it’s a very fun day for all of chb

the phase eventually starts to fiddle out

but never goes away completely

I think that bows kinda just become a staple of the cabin. Like it’s one of their “classic pieces”

like if you braid your hair it’s feels weird to not put a bow on it

and everyone has some little bow clips, even if you don’t use them you either bought them or they’ve been gifted to you at some point

also I feel like if you get a gift that’s been tied up with a bow as an Apollo kid you are legally obligated to keep it

everyone also knows how to tie bows

like the really pretty perfect bows

they can tie your bow tie, but a regular tie? Mmmm I’m not so sure